Reader calls out anti-male bias
DEAR AMY »
Why in your column is it acceptable to always critique men?
We men work harder, die sooner and register with Selective Service to be sent overseas to be killed at a higher rate than women do.
An epidemic of suicide is going on, and women are worried about petty issues regarding men!
Don’t you women ever get tired of complaining?
You are killing us!
— Fed Up
DEAR FED UP »
In attempting to refute you on the facts, I did some research and learned a few things: Your factual assertions are mainly correct.
This is from the official website of the Selective Service (sss.gov):
“Virtually all male U.S. citizens, regardless of where they live, and male immigrants, whether documented or undocumented, residing in the United States, who are 18 through 25, are required to register with Selective Service.”
This requirement for all males residing in this country to register for the potential to be drafted for military service quite obviously places an undue burden on males.
My ignorance of the legal obligation to register is perhaps a function of my own female privilege. I cop to that. Yes, the suicide rate for males is higher than that for females, but that gender gap is rapidly closing, which is heartbreaking on every level.
Women fight and work and struggle and suffer, too. We make less money than our male counterparts for the same jobs. We are vulnerable to partner violence, sexual assault, degradation, street harassment, workplace harassment, humiliation, everyday petty sexism and ... mansplaining.
Sometimes just getting through the day — working and also taking care of children and elderly parents, while also trying to throw off the mantle of generations of oppression — is tiring and ... well, a person gets a little cranky.
And yes, complaining IS exhausting, as you no doubt know from your own statement, but sometimes the pettier complaints are placeholders for the big ones. Next time you hear a woman complain about something you consider small, understand that there is more to her — and her complaining — than meets your estimation.
DEAR AMY »
For “Wanting More,” the mother who wants more children, I’ll paraphrase JFK: Ask not what your family can do for you, but what you can do for your family.
It is not the kids’ job to complete the parents’ life, but rather the other way around.
It sounds like adding a third child would make it more challenging for her husband to continue being a wonderful dad.
For the sake of her marriage, Wanting needs to learn how to love what she already has.
— Reader DEAR READER » Agreed.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@ amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @ askingamy or Facebook.