Debt delays possible proposal

S AR AMY >> I am in my first long-term relationship as an adult (I am 31).

My boyfriend of two years told me that he will not propose to me until I pay off my debt.

I had acquired medical bills and a few credit card debts before we met. I owe $14,000 to creditors.

He said he doesn’t want to go into marriage in debt.

I understand that, but he is acting like he will not propose until all of my debts are settled.

That is going to take about another year.

How would you take this?

I appreciate any honesty that comes my way.

— Only the Girlfriend?

S AR GIRLyRI NS >> Debt, spending and money management problems are very high on the list of stressors that break up relationships.

More important even than the debt you carry is how you each respond to it.

Is your guy angry, judgmental and controlling about your money choices? Or is he trying to approach this honestly, calmly and as a team?

If he is angry and controlling, then this is a very bright red flag. If he is calm, supportive and nonjudgmental, then I want to marry him.

So, wake up. Your adulthood is calling.

You two have already taken an extremely important step by communicating honestly about this.

If you can retire $14,000 worth of debt in a year, I’d say that you are being impressively proactive and that you are lucky to have a high enough income (and low enough expenses) to lose this burden relatively quickly.

After you’ve paid off your debt, you can then take the extra money that has been going toward payments each month and become an aggressive and responsible saver.

S AR AMY >> My ex-husband and I were married for over 20 years. We have two wonderful sons. Our youngest son is 16.

Throughout our marriage, it was obvious that my ex never got over his high school sweetheart. We met several months after she had broken up with him. He remained in touch with her throughout our marriage and had an affair with her.

Now, I find out, my ex insisted on naming our youngest son Brandon after this woman’s brother!

My ex had always told me that she was an only child and until a recent social media post mentioning this brother, I believed him.

Now I feel hurt and betrayed. My ex told me that I “just don’t have a sense of humor.”

Am I missing something here?

— Misled in PA

S AR MISL S >> I agree that this is strange and will require a major adjustment on your part. You obviously love your son and I assume that you also love his name, so you should remind yourself that he shares his name with a bunch of other people, including this particular man.

I assume that this episode is one more reason why you are happier without your ex.

In terms of your sense of humor, you might respond: “Well, if you tell me something funny, I’ll see if I can laugh.”