Hospital worker drinking a lot
DEAR AMY>> My wife and I are in our mid-30s. We have been married for 10 years.
Within the past year she has begun to hang out with an entirely new group of co-workers, who are in their 20s.
I don’t have a problem with that, but I do have a problem when these coworkers regularly bounce from one relationship to the next, and openly talk about cheating with whoever the newest doctor or resident is at the hospital where they all work.
I also have a problem with my wife coming home drunk enough to pass out on the floor two or three days a week, every single week.
She thinks I’m being unreasonable and doesn’t care to talk about any of this. Can you help?
— Worried Spouse
DEAR WORRIED >> Your wife doesn’t want to talk about this because, well, it’s human nature to avoid being confronted with your own risky behavior. And her behavior is very risky. Even without the additional factor raised by the pandemic, she is risking her health, her career and her marriage.
Drinking to unconsciousness is a very serious danger sign. Health care workers have extremely high-paced and stressful jobs. A paper published by Mayo Clinic Proceedings noted that approximately 10% to 12% of physicians are estimated to have an addiction disorder (alcoholism is one example).
You should do everything possible to intervene and get your wife some desperately needed help.
DEAR AMY>> My boyfriend of three years has made friends with a woman in Europe (online).
They sing together on an app created to share music. The songs sometimes feel intimate. It bothers me. To be fair, the songs are out there for others to join in, so it’s not as if it is entirely private.
She has now become part of his daily life. They exchange Facebook messages so often that when he clicks on “messages” she is the first person who pops up, even before me.
He says I’m overreacting, and that my thoughts “seem psycho” since she lives in Europe and is married, and we are in California.
He says she admires his talents. I say it’s a bit more. Am I overreacting?
I trust him, but I don’t like their interactions and how all over him she is. Am I being paranoid?
— Confused
DEAR CONFUSED>> Your boyfriend seems to have a super-fan.
If he was performing live and the same woman came to his show, night after night — excessively fangirling him — you would both notice it, and, rather than calling you “psycho,” he would handle the fanfriendship by behaving in a way that encourages her enthusiasm but discourages an emotional involvement that is threatening to you.
No, I don’t think you’re being paranoid. I think this fan-relationship bothers you because it has become very time-consuming, seems to be growing and because your boyfriend is encouraging it.