Teen forces friend out of closet

DEAR READERS >> Every year during this time I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these (edited) “Best Of” Q&As from 10 years ago.

Today’s topic is: Coming out.

I also invite readers to subscribe to my weekly “Asking Amy” newsletter, at Amydickinson.substack. com, where I post a favorite Q&A, as well as commentary about what I’m reading, watching and listening to.

I’ll be back with fresh columns in two weeks. DEAR AMY >> I am a 15-yearold girl.

I have known my friend “James” for 10 years. We are close. We attend the same school and church. Our religion is against gay marriage.

A few days ago, I was on Facebook but it was logged into my friend “Tiffany’s” account. I didn’t realize I was logged into her account until I read a message that James sent her. James told Tiffany that he was gay.

He said he didn’t know how to come out and tell other people. He was also slamming our religion. He has been called gay since sixth grade but always denied it.

I told my sister what I found out, and then she told my father.

My dad told James’ dad, and the whole thing got back to James. James now hates me.

Was I wrong for telling my sister? I still love James but I don’t agree with his lifestyle. What can I do to fix our friendship?

— Sad Teen

DEAR TEEN >> Though it is possible to be on Facebook under someone else’s account without necessarily realizing it, you read your friend’s private message and then, after you knew this message was private, you disclosed it to someone else.

James now doesn’t have the option to make his own choice about how to talk about his own life because you and your family have made this choice for him.

You’ve made a mistake. The most you can do now is also the best thing to do — always. Tell the truth. Acknowledge your mistake. Ask for forgiveness, and hope it will be granted.

(October 2011)

DEAR AMY >> I am a gay man, and I have been involved with a younger guy (he’s 25 and I’m 48) for close to a year. He’s new to the whole relationship thing and hasn’t come out to anyone yet.

He’s very shy about being in public with me, and I don’t think that’s as much about the age issue as it is about being gay.

He’s concerned about what people think, and he’s always worried that he will run into someone he knows when we are out in public.

Because of this, we mainly stay home. I have no intention to deliver ultimatums, but I don’t want this to go on forever. I want him to meet my family, and I want to meet his one day. What else can I do to help him overcome his fears?

— No Closets

DEAR CLOSETS >> You sound like a nice guy, but this is not a relationship of equals. You can’t pull him out of the closet; instead you are stepping into the closet yourself to guard his sensitivities. Is this what you want?

(May 2011)