Mother solicits funds by lying

DEAR AMY >> My mother often singled me out growing up. She verbally and physically abused me.

I tried to maintain a relationship with her when I got older — after all, she is my mother.

Over the years, I noticed that my relatives on her side stopped talking to me. There was no explanation as to why.

I recently found out (from a very reliable source) that my mother had been telling these relatives I was a heroin addict and “gotten myself into trouble.”

She was asking them to send her money because, according to her, she used her savings to “bail me out of trouble.”

Amy, I have never had a problem with drugs, nor have I had any legal issues. I've never even borrowed money from my mother!

My mother has never been good with money. She declared bankruptcy a few years ago.

I'm beyond angry that she used me to have her family send money to her!

I'm angry that they believed her!

Should I bother reaching out to my relatives to tell them the truth? Or just cut my losses and carry on with my life?

— Tired of Being

a Scapegoat

DEAR SCAPEGOAT >> Yes, you should reach out to your relatives and tell them simply and plainly the truth about your own life.

Compose a letter or email. Word it carefully. Express something along these lines:

“I have recently become aware that my mother has told you that I have drug problems or other legal problems, and has used this as a reason to accept money from you.

“This is not true, and I'm concerned that you might be giving her money under false pretenses.

“I have never needed or accepted any money from Mom, but I am aware that she has had financial troubles of her own.

“I'm not sure what is going on with her, but I miss you all very much, and would really like to be in touch. I am doing very well [let them know a few details about your life] and am looking forward to hearing from you.”

DEAR AMY >> A writer named “Madison” complained about her prospective bridesmaid's “hideous” tattoos.

Of course, you sided with her.

Tattoos are important personal expressions. They are part of the person who chooses them. Covering them up is not an option.

— Inked and Proud

DEAR INKED >> I am not anti-tattoo. This particular bride was doing what many brides do — she was trying to control the way her attendants looked.

I only affirmed her right to ask these women to cover up during her wedding.

I assume they might refuse.