Pregnant woman needs support
DEAR AMY: My 37-year-old daughter is three months pregnant.
Her boyfriend doesn’t want the baby, but she does. Their relationship is on the verge of disintegrating, so chances are she won’t get much, if any, support from him.
She is in no position to support this child. She works part time, bringing in no more than $100 per week.
Furthermore, she has just been accepted into the nursing program of a college and intends to start classes in two months.
I think she is unrealistic. She’s an adult, but she doesn’t seem to be thinking rationally. I don’t see any hope for this situation (I’m a retired 71-year-old living in a different state from my daughter). What do you recommend or suggest?
Flummoxed
DEAR FLUMMOXED: The usual template is for the single expectant mother to freak out, panic and worry about her future— but you have put voice to the raw reality of what it can be like to watch a loved one step into this tender and life-changing status. This is scary for you.
You don’t mention why your daughter has been so underemployed, but her choice to go to nursing school is a sign that she is charging forward positively.
Do not share your reservations with your daughter. You realize how challenging her life will be, and she either doesn’t realize it or is moving forward with a determination to do her best.
Remember that a baby’s life unfolds one day at a time. Thinking too far ahead is overwhelming.
This is the time for you to bury your second-guessing and declare: “I’m here for you. I’d like to help.”
Perhaps you can move in with her for the first few weeks of the baby’s life in order to assist.
DEAR AMY: I’m 17. For the past four years, I have been aware of my father maintaining an account (on a website that matches cheating spouses) and a special email account to go with it.
I have kept the information (including disgusting emails and messages I’ve read that show he’s obviously had a few affairs) to myself, but as I approach college, I wonder whether I should do something about it.
It’s my parents’ marriage, not mine, so maybe I’m supposed to just stay out of it.
Worried Son
DEARWORRIED: Your father’s behavior has put you in a terrible position. I can imagine how disappointed and disenchanted you are. His behavior will likely affect how you view relationships, and I can only hope that you make a determination to be a better man.
You should tell your father that you are aware of his activity. Tell him how you feel about it.
There is no right answer about whether you should tell your mother about this. As you very wisely say, this is their marriage.
The X factor here is that your father may have exposed your mother to STDs, and she has a right to know.
Choose your moment wisely (perhaps after you’ve left for college). Confront your father and email your mother a link to the website, saying you know your father has an account. Send questions to askamy@ tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.