How long to wait for first kiss?
DEAR AMY: I have a question regarding chemistry and what I’ve heard described as a relationship “intimacy gap.”
I met someone through eHarmony and have been seeing him for four months.
He is kind and attentive. He doesn’t smoke, drink or gamble. He has a steady, well- paying job. Neither of us has previous relationship experience, and he often thanks me for being so patient with him.
After four months, however, he says he is still not ready to kiss me. Is it too much to expect some sort of physical expression after four months?
I now think the spark is gone. I don’t regret meeting him and would like him to remain a part of my life, but as a friend rather than a romantic partner.
Is there a way to ignite the chemistry?
Hoping for More
DEAR HOPING: One important element of intimacy is the choice to be bold enough to be honest about what you want.
I agree that four months is a long time to wait for a kiss. But do you hold hands, make intense eye contact, lean against each other when you walk? Do you hug each other when you part? These are physical signs that you are both acting on attraction.
Be honest with him. He may never be comfortable with a physical relationship. Know this, however: When it happens for you, true attraction is a marvelous and powerful feeling. All of the questions you now have will disappear when you find a partner who wants what you want.
DEAR AMY: I invited a friend and her family to vacation with us at my parents’ home this summer.
My parents were willing to host all of us.
While at a party at my friend’s home, one guest, a friend of hers, commented that our plans sounded like fun. In response, my friend invited her friend and two children to my parents’.
My friend turned to me, in front of her friend and others, and asked if it was OK that they join us.
I felt as if I were backed into a corner and had to be amenable to the invitation.
I told my parents about the development and they were quite upset that my friend invited others to their home without consulting them.
Including my parents, there will be 13 people staying at my parents’ home for five nights. My parents are older and I cannot expect them to feed these guests.
I want to put stipulations upon the visit guests provide their own food, beverages, linens, etc., for their stay, but how?
Taken Advantage Of
DEAR TAKEN: You need to develop a backbone — if not for your own sake then for your parents’ sake.
Your friend should never have extended this invitation. It was thoughtless.
But what’s your excuse? You need to assert yourself politely. Contact your friend and her friend to say, “I’m sorry. Sherri extended this invitation without running it past me first. I’m afraid this is more people than my parents can handle — it’s their house. I’m letting you know that they can’t host any extra guests. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I should have spoken up earlier.”
Dean Young and John Marshall
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Charles Schulz
Woody Wilson and Terry Beatty
Cy the Cynic is no fan of marriage. He tried it once and didn’t like it. Cy says that sacrifices were once made at the altar — and still are.
Some sacrifices are still winners at the bridge table. At today’s 3NT, declarer ducked the first spade in both hands. He won the next spade with the ace and led a club to his queen, winning.
South next led a diamond. West accurately rose with his ace and led a third spade. East threw a diamond, and South won. He led a diamond to dummy and returned a second club, and when East’s king came up, South played low and claimed the rest when West followed.
South could have made 3NT by leading a low club after his queen won. When he led a diamond, he could have been defeated. When West wins and leads a third spade, East must sacrifice his king of clubs, a card that can be of no value anyway.
South has eight tricks — two in each suit — but that is all he can take. He can’t set up the clubs without losing to West’s jack.
You hold: ♠ 6 3 ♥ Q J 6 2 ◆ 9 7 6 5 4 ♣ K 8. Your partner opens one heart, the next player overcalls one spade, you raise to two hearts and left- hand opponent bids two spades. Two passes follow. What do you say?
You don’t have many points. Still, bid three hearts. The key feature is your four good trumps. In competitive partscore situations when the high- card strength is evenly divided, tend to compete to the three level when you have nine trumps.