Films summon ghosts of TV past
Have you ever wondered what’s up with your favorite prime-time stars of yesteryear? No need to send out a search party, because there’s a good chance you’ll find them making all merry and bright in a mushy holiday TV movie.
Check it out: Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter, the parents on “Family Ties,” have reunited in Lifetime’s “Becoming Santa,” in which they play — you guessed it — Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
But that’s not all: William Shatner (“Star Trek”) and Alan Thicke (“Growing Pains”) are both in yuletide films this year, as are Lori Loughlin (“Full House”) and Faith Ford (“Murphy Brown”).
And be still our babyboomer hearts — even Maureen McCormick (Marcia from “The Brady Bunch”!) and Danica McKellar (Winnie Cooper from “The Wonder Years”!) have brought their tinsel-bright smiles to the Hallmark Channel’s “Christmas Land” and “Crown for Christmas,” respectively.
I could go on, but it’s clear that holiday TV movies over the years have done more to keep B- and C-list celebrities safely off the streets than the entire run of “Dancing With the Stars.”
And apparently this genre, which thrives mostly on Lifetime, Hallmark, ABC Family and UPtv, is the gift that keeps on giving. According to a recent Los Angeles Times story, holiday TV films are proliferating because they’re inexpensive to produce, and they generate strong ratings and lots of advertising revenue.
Who knew? I didn’t. For years I have methodically logged these festive films in my annual holiday TV preview — including last year’s instant classic, “Santa Con,” starring Urkel, aka Jaleel White. But I honestly can’t remember ever actually watching one. Nor have I encountered anyone who does.
But clearly someone is watching because the cable channels keep cranking out these festive flicks. Hallmark and its movie-channel sibling, for example, are airing 21 new original Christmas-themed films this year, and Lifetime has seven. And those are in addition to their vast backlog of video evergreens that get reaired every year.
My curiosity piqued, I sought to dig deeper into this seasonal trend; sure enough, I came across one anonymous blogger who watches and reviews every one of these holiday movies beginning in early November. Why? “Because I’m insane,” she writes.
Insanity aside, it’s easy to see why holiday TV movies would appeal to many, despite their kooky casting and easy-to-mock plot lines. Packed with yuletide cheer, heartwarming messages and plenty of romance, they are seasonal comfort food. And during the holidays, who really wants to binge out on “Sons of Anarchy”?
A few years ago, a writer for Time astutely pointed out that these movies are successful because they adhere to the “seemingly magical formula: Give the audience what it wants.” Like the Christmas carols we’ve listened to for decades, they deliver the “warm and fuzzy reassuring feeling” we seek during the most wonderful time of the year.
Typically, these lowbudget sagas contain a Scrooge-like character who comes to find his or her holiday spirit; someone stranded while trying to get home for Christmas; or someone who rediscovers his or her small-town roots while learning that, yes, home is where the heart is. By the end of the story, everything is naturally wrapped up in a big bright bow.
And then you have the wacky titles. I don’t know if anyone can ever top 2012’s “It’s Christmas, Carol!” but among my favorites this year are “Murder, She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery,” “’Tis the Season for Love,” “Angels in the Snow,” “Merry Matrimony” and, of course, “Rodeo & Juliet.”
The latter film, airing on UPtv, is about a young woman who is all bummed out during her Christmas break — until “a special horse and a handsome cowboy enter her life.” And no, I am not messing with you.
If it sounds like I have a “Bah, humbug” attitude toward these films, take note: I am very excited to see “A Christmas Melody” this weekend on Hallmark. It stars Lacey Chabert (Claudia from “Party of Five”!) as a “stylish divorcee” and single mom who is forced to close her Manhattan boutique and return to her Ohio hometown.
There, she butts heads with her frosty former high school rival (Mariah Carey!), now the queen bee of the PTA. All seems lost for poor Lacey, until a little “holiday magic” enters her life in the form of a hot music teacher.
It may take a few extra rounds of an eggnog-based cocktail, but I’ll get through it. I swear.