College pal overstays welcome

DEAR AMY: Several years ago, “Steve,” a college acquaintance of my husband’s, contacted with us after many years, asking if his daughter “Mandy” could stay with us on her way to her new college, which is near where we live. We opened our home to her on a couple of occasions and enjoyed her company.

Then the dad started inviting himself to stay as he drove through to visit his hometown or to see her.

After several visits, we realized he was using our house as his personal hotel. He has never grown up and continues to drink like a partying college student. He is loud and overbearing.

Once, when my husband was going to be out-of-town at the same time he was passing through, I recommended a hotel nearby. He scoffed and acted offended.

I didn’t let him stay, and we didn’t hear from him for some time. We have since lied about not being home or ignored his requests to stay.

We received a Christmas card this year written by his wife (who is lovely, but enables him) that said they hoped to connect with us “if we wanted.”

Well, we don’t. Steve’s wife and daughter are so nice, but we have had enough of him. The only option we see is to ignore her card and hope they get the message.

No Room

DEAR NO ROOM: “Steve” is the person your husband knew in college. This family’s presence in your life is due to the relationship between the two men. The family’s absence from your life is due to his behavior — not theirs.

And yet even now you are trying to protect this man from the consequences of his behavior.

I’m not suggesting you offer up chapter and verse to this family about why he is no longer welcome to spend the night with you — nor should you lie about not being home. But you should say, “We’re sorry not to see you, but it didn’t work out having ‘Steve’ spend the night during his trips. Of course, if ‘Mandy’ needs anything at all, we hope she’ll call. We’ve enjoyed getting to know her.”

DEAR AMY: This is in response to “Awkward in MO,” who had experimented with lesbianism and decided it wasn’t for her, but

her boyfriend took it badly when he found out.

She should tell him that it is his manliness that inspires her devotion to him. That, no doubt, is true, and straight men need to be assured in their masculinity.

It should be a point of pride for him that he captured the heart of a woman who could have gone either way. She should tell him that he set her “straight.” Love The Men

in Colorado

DEAR LOVE THE MEN: I would have made all of your suggestions to “Awkward in MO,” except that they seem to have been retrieved from an episode of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.”

“Lesbianism” isn’t a thing. Same-sex attraction is not a belief system. Experiencing is different from experimenting.

I also don’t believe that straight men need propping up from women in order to feel masculine. Relationships should not be seen as contests of gender, identity or sexual attraction, but as a series of choices.