Girlfriend’s reactions rule his life
DEAR AMY: My girlfriend and I have been living together for two years. I love her very much, but we are far from perfect.
My girlfriend cries almost every day, several times a day over the smallest things: when she’s out of cigarettes, when she’s out of marijuana (she may have post-traumatic stress disorder; she has been prescribed Xanax for her anxiety). Often she doesn’t even know why she’s crying. She also has anger issues. She broke her hand and foot punching a wall.
She tells me I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her. I do everything she asks of me, and more.
Amy, I would die for her, but sometimes I feel resentful because she takes advantage of me.
It stresses me out. Nothing I do helps and her self-loathing and cursing add to my stress. She hints at how she would be dead if I weren’t in her life.
Recently, I made a horrible mistake and started flirting with a friend. I feel bad now, and I worry even more because my girlfriend can become manic over the smallest things.
Can I let this slide, if I promise myself I’ll never do it again? Help!
Worried BF
DEAR WORRIED: You are alarmed about the wrong thing. Your girlfriend seems to have very serious emotional problems and possibly mental illness, and she needs a (fresh) professional assessment and treatment. Clearly, the Xanax is not working. Nor are the cigarettes and pot.
You appear to be a hostage to your girlfriend’s illness and behavior. Your choice to flirt with someone shows you need some relief.
Despite her hints that she owes her life to you, please understand that it is not your job to fix your girlfriend. Her emotional, mental and physical health are her responsibility. Her behavior is extreme and is profoundly affecting your life: You walk on eggshells at home and fear your girlfriend’s reactions.
This relationship you are in is abusive, violent and frightening. It’s not normal or it’s not safe for you. Please put your own health and safety first, and consider leaving the relationship unless she gets professional help and is able to change.
DEAR AMY: My neighbor appears to be engaging in affairs with “other” women late at night.
He either gets into their car or they hang around at the park next to his house, which my house overlooks.
We’ve been neighbors for a long time. They have three children.
So far I haven’t told anyone, but I started recording the times when I see him with the other women in the park. Do I tell his wife? Do I confront him? Neighbor
DEAR NEIGHBOR: If you suspect illegal activity call the police. Otherwise mind your own business. If you wonder what your male neighbor is up to, ask him, not his wife. And make sure you tell him you are monitoring him; he deserves to know he lives next to a busybody. Send questions to askamy@ tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.