Bridal shower off to bad start
DEAR AMY: I am a groom-tobe. My mother and my fiancee are close. Several months ago, my mom planned a bridal shower in my hometown. My fiancee’s family was annoyed, upset and somewhat hostile about this, thinking that my mother was trying to usurp their role.
My mother had assumed that they would also host a bridal shower in their hometown.
They said they have never heard of someone having more than one bridal shower.
My future in-laws have not yet met my mother, who is one of the kindest, most polite people you could ever meet. This was quite hurtful to me.
After planning their own shower, my fiancee’s family has now decided not to have it. They have basically invited themselves to the one my mother is hosting.
This makes things super-awkward, because we don’t have room for them. We already had to trim the list to fit.
Did my mother violate etiquette by planning a shower? Is there a polite way to tell my fiancee’s family (mother and two sisters) that there is no space for them? Frustrated
Groom DEAR GROOM: The most appropriate people to throw bridal showers are not mothers or mothers-in-law, but bridesmaids, or friends of the couple who live in the town where the couple resides.
This dust-up illustrates one good reason behind this recommendation. But yes, it is fine to have two parties in two different towns.
Yes, your family must find space for these three women. Even if they were planning their own shower, the polite thing would have been to include and invite them from the start.
DEAR AMY: I have a friend of almost 30 years, who has really hurt me.
It started when her Facebook comments started revealing the dirt in her marriage.
Then her husband made a public posting on Facebook to acknowledge his wife’s accusations and to say he loved her. I made a supportive comment to his post.
Later that day I texted my friend and asked her how they were doing.She supplied many more unsavory details about his behavior, and I was livid with him. Then she disappeared.
When months passed with no response to my texts, I got worried so I called a relative of hers.
She replied that I was not to contact her family and that the comment I left on her husband’s page was misinterpreted by her friends, and they questioned whether I was the person he was sleeping with!
I am furious. Am I in the wrong? Furious
DEAR FURIOUS: You are not in the wrong, but consider this a very useful lesson: Never, ever, violate your own marital and friendship neutrality on Facebook. If you’re wondering, the way to express your neutrality on social media is by being silent.
I have a blanket policy never to respond publicly when someone exposes their marital or relationship troubles on social media. No good can come of it.