Inheritance creates dilemma
DEAR AMY: I am a 23-year-old female. Recently, my grandfather (my mother’s father) died.
My grandfather and I were estranged due to his ongoing molestation of me and my cousin, culminating in him raping me when I was 11 years old. He was never punished for what he did, but I took my own measures by having no further contact with him.
I have been promised an inheritance after his death, which I am really looking forward to, as I need the money for a therapist. I have come to terms with accepting his money.
My issue is that when I brought it up to my grandmother (on my father’s side), who knows what happened to me, she called me greedy.
This stings a lot. I do not feel I am being greedy. Instead, I feel that I can finally forget his presence and influence in my life and finally get the help I need.
It doesn’t seem to connect with her that this man was a monster and I am the victim. My grandmother is like my real mother and I don’t know how to tell her she is hurting me. Betrayed
DEAR BETRAYED: All of your family members should support whatever efforts you need to take in order to heal from this childhood sexual attack at the hands of your grandfather. My own reaction to this is that if you don’t receive whatever financial (or other) compensation you think you need, that you should consider other avenues to try to receive financial or emotional compensation.
If your grandmother is calling you “greedy,” then you should not discuss this with her. If you aren’t able to proportionally react, then perhaps you could write her a letter. Tell her how her judgment makes you feel: “When you call me greedy for trying to get some compensation for what happened to me, it makes me feel unsupported and harshly judged.”
A caution: Your healing should not be solely contingent on you getting therapy, and your therapy should not be contingent on getting money. Don’t put this off.
Contact the hotline at the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN. org) today to communicate with a counselor (you can do this by phone or online).
Ask about resources in your area, and seek help through a survivor support group as soon as possible. If you think it would help you (and perhaps your cousin), you should also research the idea of bringing a lawsuit against your late grandfather’s estate.
DEAR AMY: “Mom” is worried about paying for a very expensive college that her daughter doesn’t seem to value.
We made a pact with our son that we would pay for his first semester. If he received all passing grades, then we would pay for the next semester. If not, then he had to pay for that next semester. Money talks.
Dad
DEAR DAD: I like this. But this only works if the parents are fully prepared to follow through.