Forget married man at dog park
DEAR AMY >> I could use your advice. I go to a local dog park every day. Two years ago I fell in love with a guy there. He is the kindest, most thoughtful man I have ever met.
Just standing next to him at the park and talking, I can feel electricity running through my body! But, the big problem is that he is married!
It is so devastating for me that I can never have the man I love in my life. I wish he could be my boyfriend, then husband, but since this will never happen, many a day I come home from the dog park and cry!
He seems to really like me a lot, and we email back and forth often, (all innocent).
I tried to break it off with him once and didn’t go to the park for several weeks, but I was miserable not seeing him and finally went back and started seeing him again.
How do I get over him? I am sad seeing him, and sad not seeing him. I know we will never be together since he has been happily married for 30 years now. He is in his 60s, and I am in my 50s.
How should I handle this? — Must Love Dogs
DEAR MUST LOVE
>> Some neighborhood or workplace crushes can be fairly harmless. Contact with your crush can inspire you and generally brighten your day, but should not become overwhelming.
However, your crush on this man seems to have become a fixation, and the fixation will continue to make you unhappy until you are able to more or less break this spell.
If you were an addict, the advice would be to get clean by seeking professional help and staying away from the addictive substance.
That’s my advice here. There is no magic involved — you should find another park to visit and you shouldn’t be sending or receiving any communication from him. I realize this will be tough — especially at first — but eventually you will find liberation from this fixation, and the sadness it triggers.
A professional therapist could guide you through this process; certainly if you find yourself obsessing and anxious, you should seek help right away.
DEAR AMY >> “Jenny” described an adult friend’s juvenile insistence in being referred to as a “best friend.”
Our 10-year-old has a friend living two doors down, who is a few months older but one grade ahead in school.
Our son told him he was his best friend. The boy responded, “I have several best friends.” I thought that was a very good answer, suitable to any age! — Dad
DEAR DAD >> Children often excel at expressing (and understanding) these concepts. Friendship is a core value; quantifying or categorizing friendship can be a mistake.