Dealing with daughter’s tattoos
My 45-year-old daughter got a large tattoo on her inner arm. Imagine my surprise when I finally saw it. I said to her, “Is that real?” She laughed and said, “Yes.” Nothing further was said during my visit except for once when I stated, “I don’t like tattoos.”
That was three years ago. Life went on, and the tattoo dissolved, for me, into the background of our relationship.
Now, she has sent me pictures of her with her dogs, husband, friends, etc., and I am seeing another tattoo. We are planning another visit. What do I say, if anything?
She obviously wants me to notice. This is a woman who has a very responsible job, but is choosing (in my opinion) to defile her body.
It’s probably generational, but I can’t stand to see my daughter with tattoos. I just don’t know how to approach it. I think I got it wrong last time. Please tell me what to say. — Tattoo Hater fall back on this: “If you can’t find something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
For your daughter, these tattoos are not a defilement, but a decoration. A statement. Part of her external identity. And yes, your reaction is largely generational.
Before preparing any response, absorb this reality: your daughter is her own person. Her body belongs to her. She is not deliberately trying to upset you. She is just living her life.
You have choices regarding this relationship. You can choose to focus on something you see as a flaw and take it personally, or you can choose to love your daughter wholeheartedly, regardless of her adornment, and accept and embrace her, just as she is.
DEAR AMY >> As the daughter of someone killed by an elderly driver I had a horrible time reading your curt and politically safe response to the letter signed “Years of Wine and Roses.”
My dad was struck and killed walking his dog by an 87-year-old woman, not “turning left,” “on the highway,” or “driving at night” — all things you noted that elderly drivers tend to avoid.
An elderly driver, at best, is a risk with slowed judgment and reaction times, reduced hearing and sight.
When you compound those real risks with even the possibility of drinking, it’s negligent to not contact the authorities for an evaluation. There are laws in place that allow them to require a new driver’s exam when there’s a question of safety.
Please rethink your answer before someone else has to suffer the unimaginable pain my family has had to endure. — Grieving
DEAR GRIEVING >> I am so sorry to learn of your family’s terrible loss. A physician can order that a patient must take a new driver’s test. Sometimes even the prospect of taking the test is enough to get an impaired driver off the road.