Retired colleague is tired of social events

DEAR AMY >> Now retired, I was always the one at work that instigated get-togethers with colleagues.

We worked for a government organization and therefore there were never dinners or social occasions sponsored by the employer because we were using taxpayers’ money.

I instigated birthday parties, often out of my pocket, or we’d have an end-of-the-year blowout and I’d organize people to chip in money to buy steaks for the grill and everyone would bring a dish to pass.

Now after retirement, it seems it’s up to me to call everyone and find an agreeable date for whatever the event, mostly just to reconnect and for fun.

I’m burnt out and offended that it’s left up to me. No one calls me just to visit, and I’ve just had it.

If we were such great friends, I feel it should be up to everyone to make these events happen.

I’m wondering what your thoughts are. — Burned Out in Michigan

DEAR BURNED OUT >> I think it’s possible that these people aren’t really your great friends, but instead are amenable former colleagues who will lazily accept an invitation or agree to a plan if you do all the work. I give great credit to the social fixers like yourself who remember birthdays, organize special occasions, and show up at the office with baked goods and a smile. Work life would be a colorless experience of gray-scaled drudgery without you.

However, many people look forward to retirement partly for the joy of finally being independent from the social niceties that crop up at work and which sometimes seem more like a forced connection than a real friendship.

I’m not saying that these people don’t like you — you should assume that they do. But it might be time for you to move on and form friendships among people who share more with you than working on — or complaining about — the Peterson account. Look for people who occasionally initiate and reciprocate.

Because you deserve a break. You’ve definitely earned it.

DEAR AMY >> We have a female friend that flosses immediately after eating at a restaurant, which we find disgusting.

She does this at the table while everyone is talking! What do you think of this practice? — Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED >> Not only is it unhygienic, flossing falls into the category of “personal care,” which simply shouldn’t be performed in a public venue.

One of you could ask her to step into the “Ladies” room.