Find a lover who is not a tool

DEAR AMY >> I’m a 20-year-old girl. I started working at a restaurant and clicked with “Steve,” one of the other servers. He’s

30.

We quickly started texting daily. He said he had a girlfriend, so I figured we were just sharing friendly chit chat. He was always complaining about how annoying and stupid she was.

Fast-forward a year and his girlfriend cheats on him, so he comes to me looking for help. I was a sophomore in college at the time and had no idea how to handle the situation, but I was there for him. They broke up and he moved in with his parents.

He was devastated and determined to win her over. Eventually she came crawling back to him. He proposed to her.

I pretended to be happy for him, even though I thought this was the stupidest decision ever. He still continued to complain about her, nonstop.

A few months after they got engaged we had a party at my apartment. Heavy drinking was involved and somehow Steve ended up in my bed. He left the next morning before we could talk. After a few days of silence I said to him, “You cheated on your fiancée with me and you don’t think that’s a problem?” He was like, “Don’t make me feel guilty.”

I cracked and told him that he shouldn’t be getting married and that he was settling for her. I sort of feel like an idiot for falling in love with him. I don’t want to lose him as a friend because I’ve never had someone understand me as completely as he does.

I just need some advice on what to do. — Not Settled

DEAR NOT SETTLED >> Please hear this: Yes, “settling” is happening. But you are the primary settler. You’ve packed your covered wagon and have traveled into the realm of 30-yearold waiters with no conscience — in order to settle. Please, save your feelings of love for someone who isn’t such a tool.

Steve does not deserve you. His fiancée is likely a perfect match for him. You can do better, and you will do better.

By the time you’re “Steve’s” age, you will remember this episode with a sigh.

Honestly, the very idea that you even want to preserve a friendship with this guy is something you will one day laugh about. I recommend a cordial coolness during your restaurant shifts.

DEAR AMY >> “Stuck at the Back” complained about being seated in the back of the reception hall at her cousin’s wedding. I’m an old fogey, but unless things have changed a lot, the bride’s family pays for the reception and determines seating. So, the cousin might not have had any say at all in where her relatives might be seated. — Old Fogey

DEAR FOGEY >> Also, sometimes people simply make mistakes. It is rude, however, to ask the bridal couple to do something about seating during their own wedding reception.