Will she marry him and his mother?

DEAR AMY >> My boyfriend and I (age 50 and 48) are talking about getting married next year.

He is a kind, sweet, smart and responsible person, and I’m utterly besotted.

The part that has me concerned is that his best friend is his mother. He is very introverted and so he doesn’t have anyone he just “hangs out” with. His whole social life is going to church on Sundays with his parents, singing in the choir, and me. He was previously married, and before his wife passed away, his whole world revolved around her (his wife).

This all hit me when he talked about discussing something with his mom that I thought should have been discussed with me first.

His mom is a lovely, sensible person, and we get along great. I’ve just never been involved with someone who is so close to his mom. My own mom passed away when I was in my 20s, and my father and I are not close. He has yet to meet my dad, or most of my brothers.

I’m not sure how to get my head around the idea that his mother really is his best friend — the person he goes to first for advice and comfort, the way you would your best friend.

He holds down a good job, has his own place, never asks for money, etc. But this just seems odd to me. Or am I the odd one?

What are your thoughts? — Another Amy

DEAR AMY >> You say that in your guy’s previous marriage, his world revolved around his wife. It is vital in functioning marriages for the couple to be at the center of the couple’s world. This means that spouses should share important information with one another before bringing in others — best friends or family.

In terms of the friendship between this mother and son, I think that many people would consider a parent or sibling to be their best friend. (I certainly felt that way about my own mother.) This best friendship should not supersede the relationship between spouses, however.

Understand that at this juncture you hold important information about your guy. He might be able to make adjustments to bring you into his family circle, but his relationship with his parents may become even more important and central to his life as they age and need him more.

This is truly a case of “if you marry him, you will marry his mother.”

DEAR AMY >> “Waiting for Sorry” reported her history of mental illness, and her need for her mother to acknowledge it.

Thank you for trying to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness. The stigma is what keeps many people from acknowledging this reality. — Bipolar

DEAR BIPOLAR >> Every time someone talks openly about having a mental illness, it helps to reduce the stigma. We’re getting there.

Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ tribpub.com.