Don’t leave a mess for relatives
DEAR AMY >> After cleaning up after three relatives who have gone into senior-living residences, I would like your many readers to know that leaving endless piles of junk and money in countless numbers of banks/investments/ holdings for others to deal with after you no longer can, is selfish and careless.
We are facing another such disaster soon because this particular family obviously has some DNA strand that makes them slobs, and they have no shame in saddling this miserable chore on others.
If you are growing older, look around your home and start straightening things up and purging while you still have the strength and will to do so. Consolidate your holdings and finances and leave directives to where they can be found. My own mother was very organized and meticulous but it was still a months-long task to get things in order. Other people should not have to clean up your mess just because you’d rather play bridge than deal with it. — Sick of This
DEAR SICK OF THIS
>> I completely understand the burden that you have taken on (I wrote about this issue in my own memoir). In addition to this being a substantial burden of time and attention, it can also be fairly heartbreaking, if the person who has left a physical mess behind has also left a messy relationship.
Understand, however, that many people leave their affairs in a mess because they face sudden health challenges which make this task physically or emotionally impossible not because they are playing bridge. It is also a function of human nature to basically deny that our own powers will fade.
Your point about cleaning up while one is healthy is a good one. There are many resources for people facing this phase of life. One of them is: “ABA/ AARP Checklist for My Family: A Guide to My History, Financial Plans and Final Wishes,” by elderlaw attorney Sally Balch Hurme (2015, American Bar Association).
DEAR AMY >> Responding to the danger that dogs can present to children, you advised “Been There” to always ask an adult before approaching a dog.
I’ve worked for a flyby-night package delivery company for 25 years. I have been bitten three times now, and each time the owner was present and said, “Don’t worry. The dog doesn’t bite.”
Extra caution is recommended. — Ouch
DEAR OUCH >> I can only imagine the burden placed on delivery people, regarding the many territorial animals you encounter in the course of doing your job.
Many years ago, when I was raising a young child in London (a dog-loving place, if ever there was one), people would encourage their pooches to approach me and my baby, saying, “Don’t worry, he loves children.” And I would think, “Yes, for breakfast...” I would always stand between the dog and my child until I was satisfied that this would be a safe encounter.