Husband disrespects wife
My husband and I have been married for eight years. He is a great provider and awesome dad.
His issue is that he does not respect women. I struggle with this lack of respect daily.
Recently, he had a birthday. He was not satisfied with the efforts I put in to celebrating his birthday. I gave him a couple of gifts that I knew he would like, but he was dissatisfied, and he sent me a text message riddled with profanity.
Whenever he has issues with me, this is what he does. He said this was the worst “f .... ” birthday ever and next year he wasn’t buying anybody any “f .... ” thing. He then made reference to my son from a previous marriage, and said that I am happier when my son comes home, than I am when he (my husband) comes home.
This totally caught me off guard. I am really tired and saddened.
He has done this before and it always seems to come out of left field.
I don’t even know what to say or do anymore. How should I handle this? — Worried DEAR WORRIED » Maybe your husband doesn’t respect women — or maybe he just doesn’t respect you. No matter what inspires this behavior, it is wrong.
Sending profanity-riddled text messages when you are dissatisfied with your birthday gifts isn’t the behavior of a mature adult.
Given that your son presumably does not treat you this way, it makes sense that you would rather see him at the end of the day than your husband. His behavior is that of a very insecure and frustrated person who is venting and lashing out in order to punish and intimidate.
You don’t mention how you have reacted to these outbursts. You also don’t say if you two have children together, and how they are treated. If they witness angry outbursts, disrespect, intimidation, and threats, it affects them deeply, and changes who they are.
You should save these messages and talk about this during a private, calm moment. Ask him how he would react if someone treated him this way, or if someone else treated you this way. You should insist that he join you in counseling. If he is frustrated, upset, or raging, he must find a different way to cope and communicate. If his behavior gets worse, you should consider leaving the relationship.
DEAR AMY » I hated your one-sided, knee-jerk response to “Not Really Stepdad.”
His sexual attraction to his girlfriend’s 18-year-old daughter is his own business. These two are consenting adults. His longtime girlfriend deserves what she gets by getting ugly and fat. Your answer only reveals your deep hatred of men. — Disgusted
DEAR DISGUSTED » “Not Really Stepdad” laid out a classic predation pattern of grooming a child in his household, starting when she was 11 years old.
I don’t hate men. But I’ll admit to hating this man.