Pay attention to patient’s needs — and be flexible
When it comes to offering support to breast cancer patients, Thuy Tran of San Francisco has some hardwon words of wisdom that might be summed up like this: Stick around and go away.
Or, different advice for different days.
“Stick around” advice applies to those lonely hours long after the early stress of diagnosis and surgery, and the initial shock has worn off. Patients still need a lot of support, both practical and emotional, adapting to a whole new world. The “go away” applies to days when a patient just cannot be around anyone. Mainly, family and friends need to pay attention to what the patient wants and needs, and that varies from day to day.
That advice does not apply, however, to Thuy’s constant sidekick Mickey, a Chihuahuamini pinscher mix who is her best buddy and emotional support dog. “I can’t imagine life without him,” she said. “He is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Navigating relationships with family and friends in the face of serious illness, however, is a bit more complex.
In the early days of treatment and recovery from surgery back home in Visalia, Calif., she was depressed and wanted to see only her immediate family.
“My friends took it hard when I didn’t want to hang out,” she said, “but eventually, they let it be.”
A difficult irony: She was able to see a completely different response to a cancer diagnosis within her own family. Her sister Kim, 31, was diagnosed with breast cancer (and lymphoma) a year after Thuy; they discovered, as a result of Kim’s diagnosis, that they both have the PALB2 genetic mutation. (Kim finished radiation treatment in January 2017.)
“We are complete opposites,” Thuy said, noting that she is very private, and only wanted, at first, her family to know about her illness. “My sister, all her friends and family knew, and she went out and did a lot of things, went out on dates. I didn’t want to see anyone or go anywhere.”
Thuy (pronounced “twee”), 29, met her boyfriend, John, in San Francisco right before her diagnosis, and for the first year of her treatment in Visalia, they had a long-distance relationship, talking every night by phone. They are still together, and last year, traveled to his hometown of Cork, Ireland. Mickey, of course, came along, and is featured in many travel photos.
Thuy was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago and the timing could not have been worse; she had just moved from Visalia to the Bay Area to study for a master’s degree in cell and molecular biology at San Francisco State University. After a double-mastectomy surgery in Davis, Calif., she had to return home to Visalia so she could have family support while she went through chemotherapy.
She moved back to San Francisco a year later to resume her studies, and that’s when she became acquainted with Project Open Hand, the Oakland-San Francisco nonprofit that provides groceries and meals to seniors and critically ill people of all ages.
Project Open Hand delivered hot meals to her door when she was “so sick I could barely walk” from the treatment. “I had no hair, so I didn’t have to go out (to get food). I could just show up at the door, get it, and I didn’t have to hide.”
Gradually, after recovering from the early stages of treatment, she began shopping for groceries and, inspired by the healthy meals prepared by Project Open Hand, became interested in cooking her own food.
“It opened up a world of cooking. I never did that before. Now I love to cook,” she said. “It is one of my favorite hobbies because of these meals.”