He wants wife to shed some weight
DEAR AMY >> My wife has put on a few pounds, to the extent that it is probably not good for her long-term health.
My wife is attractive, takes good care of herself, and has no current health problems, but I am concerned that she’s putting herself at risk for future health problems if she does not take measures now.
After a weight loss program to lose 20 to 30 pounds, she would still not be svelte, but she would be better positioned for good health.
She is sensitive to criticism and would probably be angry and take it as a put-down if I simply expressed the sentiments noted above. Do you have any suggestions? — Worried Husband
DEAR WORRIED >> My suggestions will not help your wife to lose weight. My suggestions are mainly for you.
Your wife knows she is overweight. She is aware of it every time she tries to zip up her trousers, every time she catches her reflection in a shop window, every time she leafs through a magazine, watches a movie, or sees a photograph revealing her thinner youthful self.
Your wife also knows that being overweight can impact her health. She knows this because she has a brain in her head. She probably also knows this because she is asked to weigh herself every time she sees her GP, and some physicians bring up the health implications of weight gain while they are administering the annual flu shot, or treating a patient’s head cold.
What you don’t seem to know is that your concern over your wife’s health really seems like a red herring, because what you really don’t like is your wife’s size and shape these days.
My suggestion is for you to dig deep and make a determination to love your wife as she is. Lumps, bumps and rolls — all of her. You loving her as she is will be good for the long-term health of your marriage, and that will be good for both of you.
DEAR AMY >> The letter from “Aussie” concerned me. This guy admitted that he had basically lied to a woman he had met on Tinder. He had to leave the USA and return to Australia for reasons of an expiring visa, and yet he told her he was going home on vacation!
You started your response by telling him, “Don’t lie,” but then you provided a lie for him to use, by suggesting that he could “paper over” his absence by saying that once he had returned home, he realized he had visa trouble.
I am very concerned by the prospect of an advice-giver with many readers giving this conflicting advice. — Upset
DEAR UPSET >> Duly noted. Yes, “Don’t lie” is always the best advice. In this instance, I succumbed to the temptation to provide a half-truth, which is also, I realize, a half-lie.