Read our survival guide to the holidays for help in navigating fractious friends and family.

Thanksgiving is coming up, and Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa will be upon us much sooner than we expect. What these holidays have in common is that they celebrate the spirit of togetherness among family, friends and communities.

But with any collection of human beings, you’re bound to have conflicts. That’s true even in the most loving families, with people bringing to a gathering their different personalities and views on everything from the right food to serve to whether it’s OK to mix a political debate into a turkey dinner conversation.

It turns out there are certain conflicts that are pretty common and often inevitable, according to experts. With that in mind, we asked three experts to offer tips on how to address them, either ahead of time or when they come up, so everyone can enjoy that spirit of togetherness.

Our experts are Carolyn Hax, the syndicated advice columnist with The Washington Post; and Bay Area-based marriage and family therapists Margie Ryerson and Amanda Somberg. Here’s how they suggest you handle 11 holiday conundrums:

• Is it OK to have your own Christmas?

The choice can depend on whether you’re single or in a couple, Hax said. Singles can decide on their own, while couples need to work out the issue together. But you should never feel bad if you and your partner want the holiday to yourselves. “It’s not a declaration of war. It’s just Christmas,” Hax said.

• Which family should you spend the holidays with?

According to Hax, start by asking, “What’s your top priority: Fairness? Yourself? Each other?” Once you know the answers to these questions, “The decisions become easy to make, though they still may feel difficult to execute,” she said.

• How do you deal with depression or grief among those who are at a jolly party?

If you’re depressed or getting over a recent loss, you should prioritize your health by making sure you’re getting enough sleep and exercise and by eating a healthy diet, Somberg said. Try not to take on too much, and break down holiday tasks like shopping, gift-wrapping or cooking into “smaller bits,” which can give you a better sense of control over your emotional state. Above all, try to be present and mindful of small moments, like the flavor of the eggnog you’re drinking, the lights on the trees or the kindness of people around you. “That’s what the holidays are really about,” Somberg said.

• How do you let the older generation know it’s time for them to step aside?

Hax said it’s best to avoid saying such a thing to Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa. “Either let them keep hosting if they’re willing and able, but step in to help them host if they’re willing but not able,” she said. You can also tell them — early — that you plan to stay home this year but that they’re invited to join you. “It’s a transition, not a coup,” Hax said.

• Should you spend the holidays with relatives who can be unpleasant — or drink?

With a couple Ryerson worked with, the husband’s father and stepmother never showed much interest in their teenage grandchildren. The couple had hoped that being around extended family on the holidays would be beneficial and coached their kids in how to engage their grandparents in conversation. It didn’t help, and the grandfather became belligerent when he drank too much. The couple realized these grandparents weren’t going to change, and it was time to let go of the extended family idea. “They decided they couldn’t continue to subject their children, and themselves, to such a toxic situation,” Ryerson said.

• How do you cope in the company of a relative with whom you’re not getting along?

Concentrate on all the other people you enjoy at the gathering and distance yourself from the objectionable person, physically and emotionally, Ryerson said. Try to practice a sense of “neutrality” toward her, and don’t give in to anger or resentment. That way, “You’ll be better able to enjoy your visit,” she said.

• When should you draw a line on if and when football on TV is allowed?

“I recommend drawing only the lines you really, really care about. Low expectations are your friend,” Hax said.

• How do you deal with relatives’ kids running wild?

Hax said you should see “a losing battle for what it is and loosen your standards on everything but the essentials.” If you’re with these relatives for an extended stay, you can plan outings for just you and your kids “so you don’t lose your mind and authority completely.”

Another strategy, Ryerson offered, is to have an advance parent-to-parent talk with your relatives and say something like, “When my kids get together with other kids in large gatherings, they sometimes get out of control. What can we do if this happens?” Or, “a la Miss Manners,” Ryerson said, you can turn to the parents of the offending youngster and say with great concern: “I’m so worried about little Henry. He’s shrieking as if he may have injured himself.”

• How do you say no to food your hosts insist you try?

While holiday food can be a stressful issue for people trying to lose weight or stick to certain dietary practices, “Remember, you’re in charge,” Somberg said. “No one is putting food in your mouth except you.” With an insistent hostess, you can flatter and deflect, praising the cake she offers but asking instead for her veggie dip recipe. Or you can lightly blame someone else: “My doctor wouldn’t like me having a slice of pie, but the turkey was divine.”

• How do you cope when relatives are driving you crazy?

Whether you’re hosting out-of-town guests for a week or just a day, it’s important to carve out any amount of time for you to get away from them. “Nothing guarantees resentment and meltdowns like martyrdom and cooking and cleaning for your guests 24/7,” Somberg said. You can also plan activities, like a walk or sightseeing, to get people out of the house.

• Can we talk about politics or any other debatable topics?

As with everything holiday-related, you should keep a sense of humor, Hax said. If a contentious discussion is brewing, be ready to change the subject, she added. Ryerson agreed, saying you can politely interrupt the combatants by engaging someone across the table in another topic. If nothing else, you can remind people ahead of time that the holidays are supposed to be about special family time, not about hashing out controversial issues. She said, “A little guilt-tripping can sometimes make a difference.”