Gift-giving is not a matter for negotiation
Q
My parents know I love video gaming. So for Christmas in recent years, they’ve been giving me a $200 gift certificate to get whatever games and gear I’ve wanted.
Well, this year I’d really like the PlayStation VR Bundle, which costs about $500 with tax. But when I asked my folks if they’d be willing to give me that amount, they said “no.” So I offered to split the difference with them, saying I’d contribute $150 if they’d put in an extra $150. But they were unwilling to compromise.
What do you suggest I say to them? I’ve never asked for anything special before, and my parents have plenty of money. So you know, I work in a pub and don’t make much.
A
Wait a minute! You work in a pub? We thought you were 12. Look, holiday gift-giving is not a negotiation. It’s an act of affection and generosity. This means that when someone wants to give you a gift, you don’t start trying to make a deal.
But to answer your question, what you should say to your parents is this: “I appreciate your generosity, and I’ll be happy with whatever you give me for Christmas.”
Q
My brother has two children, and I have three, my youngest arriving 12 years after the last of the other four was born. When the first four grandchildren came along, my parents contributed a total of $20,000 to each kid’s 529 college savings plan. But they never made a contribution to my youngest’s college account, though I know they meant to. Indeed, my father often said he was going to contribute.
But he and Mom were old when my youngest was born; Mom died the next year, and Dad never did get around to making the contributions he said he would. He passed away recently, leaving everything he had to be evenly divided between my brother and me. My question is this: Considering that Dad always intended to contribute $20,000 toward my youngest’s college education, don’t you think my brother should be contributing $10,000 of the money he’s inheriting toward my child’s 529 plan, just as I plan to? He knows what Dad wanted.
A
Had your father died with an unsigned check to the 529 plan sitting on his desk, you’d have a point. But your father had at least a year or two following the birth of your youngest to make contributions, and he never did. While we don’t doubt that whenever he spoke to you, he genuinely meant to contribute, ultimately his inaction speaks louder than words. Indeed, the more frequently he told you he intended to contribute while in fact never doing so, the less weight his assurances carry.
Plus, and most importantly, your father had a will. If he did not include in it an instruction to fund your child’s 529 plan, your brother has no obligation to make a contribution. And you have no reason to be resentful if he doesn’t.