Buying gift with husband’s credit card backfires

QMy husband gives me terrible Christmas presents. “Hal” is a great guy, but he’s cheap, and he pays no attention to what I like. Meanwhile, for the 10 years we’ve been married, I’ve always given him thoughtful, expensive gifts, which I know he’s loved. So this year, I decided to buy myself a gift from him that I’d actually enjoy, charging it to his credit card. (We have our own credit cards, the charges on which we each pay out of our own funds. But for backup purposes, each of us also has a card on the other’s account.)

Specifically, I spent $600 on a beautiful handbag. When I told Hal not to shop for my present because I’d already done the shopping for him, he was genuinely appreciative. But now that he’s gotten his credit card bill, he’s upset. He says that, since I knew he’d never spend $600 on a gift for me — or anyone else, for that matter — I shouldn’t have purchased the bag without consulting him. Also, he says I should reimburse him the $600. But did I really do anything that wrong? As far as I’m concerned, I deserve a nice Christmas present from my able-to-afford-it husband every decade or so, and this was the only way I was ever going to get one.

AOther than that, how were the holidays? But seriously, of course you did something wrong. You spent quite a lot of someone else’s money without his permission and knowing full well that he wouldn’t approve. Still, Hal should stop bellyaching. Happily accepting your nice gifts while showing no interest in trying to please you qualifies him for a nomination to the Husbands Hall of Shame. Next Christmas, perhaps you should give him a card containing a crisp $10 bill, and spend the rest of the money you’d earmarked for his gift on something for yourself.

QFour years ago, my husband lent his friend “Carl” $50,000 to start a business. The loan was to be repaid in two years. But before the two years were up, Carl filed for bankruptcy, and my husband received nothing. Since then, Carl has managed to purchase an expensive house, start sending his kids to Ivy League colleges and otherwise live nicely.

I’m writing because my husband died last year. I’m trying to get my life in order, and that $50,000 Carl borrowed would be very welcome. Unfortunately, he’s made no attempt to repay the money. Short of taking some drastic, unpleasant measures, how can I encourage my husband’s friend to do the right thing?

ACarl is willing to stiff his friend’s widow to the tune of $50 grand, and you’re worried about subjecting him to unpleasantness? Talk to a lawyer right now, about what options you have to force or embarrass Carl into repaying the money. This man is not your friend, and your directions to your lawyer should be simple: “Go get him, any way you can.”