She needs to move beyond bitterness

DEAR AMY >> My mother died 10 years ago. My father, “Lucifer,” started dating “Rebecca” within a week of my mom’s funeral.

After two years, my father informed me that he was going to disinherit my brother and me in favor of “Rebecca” and her three spawn.

I begged my father not to do this, and told him he’d never see me or my kids again if he married her and disinherited us. He said he didn’t care, and went ahead.

Fast-forward to the present. Rebecca has died, and Lucifer is trying to “mend fences.” Meanwhile, he admitted to me that he has spent my mother’s entire trust on Rebecca and her three spawn, so I am out the money I was supposed to get from my deceased mother after my father died.

I want nothing to do with Lucifer. He has betrayed my trust by turning his back on his “real” family in favor of a bunch of strangers. He has dishonored my mother’s dying wish that he preserve the principal of her trust for me and my family.

I am so consumed by anger. I have a great life with a great husband and great kids, and we are not financially insecure by any means. How do I move past this? — Fed Up in Florida DEAR FED UP >> Your own behavior has contributed to your rage.

For instance, you declared to your father that you would completely cut him off if he married “Rebecca,” and yet one of the things that makes you so angry is that your father aligned with “strangers.” Well, if you hadn’t cut off your relationship, these people would not be strangers.

You can hold onto your rage so that it continues to interfere with your ability to enjoy your own life, or you can explore ways to release it.

One reason to engage in fence-mending is to restore the relationship to the degree where you can (at least) express your own anger, with the hopes of receiving an apology — or at least an explanation. A therapist could help you to cope with your feelings, and might also offer a pathway to reconciliation.

Revenge is easier than reconciliation, but revenge might not be best for you.

DEAR AMY >> Like “Brokenhearted Niece,” I had a volatile family member who had a tendency to drink and embarrass herself and others.

When I got married, I had a friend with experience who was willing to basically monitor this person and handle her if things got tough during the wedding and reception. We had no problems, but this relieved me of worrying about it.