This ‘gift’ will cost single mom more than it’s worth
Q
My 14-yearold daughter “Madison” has gotten very interested in American history. So when my mother won several hundred dollars in the lottery, she splurged and bought nonrefundable plane tickets for me to take Madison to Philadelphia over spring break for her birthday. The problem is, I’m a single mom and can’t afford either to take the time off work or to pay for a hotel room and meals out for five days. What should I do?
— A.B., Sacramento
A
Be grateful your mother didn’t give Madison a puppy that no one is home to look after.
Kidding aside, call the airline and explain the situation. If the first person you speak to is unsympathetic, keep calling back until you find someone who wants to help you. Even if the airline is unwilling to issue a refund, it should at least allow you to postpone your flights for up to a year, which would allow you time to save up for the trip, find online deals on accommodations and arrange to lose as little time as possible at work. Alternately, the airline may allow you to transfer your tickets to someone else, if you can find a buyer for them.
One more thing: You need to tell your mother that you love her and that you appreciate her generosity, but that she shouldn’t be giving Madison gifts that create a financial burden for you.
Q
I have four kids, all married with children. The gifts I’ve given each of them have always been equal in value. Recently, I received some money when my father died, and I’d like to share a portion of it with them. One part of me says I should continue to be equal in giving. But because there’s a significant gap in their ages, my older children are better established and, hence, better off financially than the younger. In particular, my youngest, who’s just started his own business and become a father, I know is in greater need. So I’m wondering >> Is it OK for parents to give according to need, as opposed to giving equally to each child?
— Facing a Dilemma, Ohio
A
It’s your money, and it’s fine for you to distribute it any way you wish. It sounds, however, as if you may have created the expectation that your gifts will always be equal. If that’s the case, consider explaining your thinking to your children if you do decide to give your youngest child more than the others. Because what you need to worry about in this situation is not fairness so much as resentment.
One more thing: Need is not the only reason you may wish to give one child more than another. As you get older, for example, it may well be that one or two of your children will, for years, be of considerably more help to you than the others. If that proves to be the case, making equal gifts to all your children would be the antithesis of fairness.