My plan to get Trump into Amazon’s pocket WASHINGTON >>
Amidst PRESIDENT TRUMP’s recent Twitter attack on Amazon, there was a nugget about “the Fake Washington Post, which is used as a ‘lobbyist’ and should so REGISTER.”
I hereby offer myself to Amazon as a lobbyist. What’s more, I can put the entire Trump administration in Amazon’s pocket for a bargain price of $242.7 million.
Paying to play is a hoary tradition in Washington, but foreign governments and corporations alike have discovered that owning this administration is surprisingly affordable.
Norman Eisen, Obama’s White House ethics lawyer and now chair of Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington helped me prepare this proposal.
Emoluments: $59,005,000
To win Trump’s favor, as Amazon’s new lobbyist, I would immediately relocate to the Trump International Hotel in Washington. The Saudis reportedly spent $268,000 at the hotel. We would spend $2,680,000 — just to turn heads.
I’d pay another $2 million a year for office space in the Trump Tower in New York — the same amount paid by China’s largest bank, according to Forbes magazine (part of $175 million a year commercial tenants pay the president) and buy memberships at Mar-a-Lago and Trump National Golf Club, $300,000 together.
I’d also devote $54 million to Trump’s real estate business, like the Russian oligarch who bought a mansion from Trump for $95 million not long after Trump bought it for $41 million.
Contributions: $13,285,400
Trump’s re-election campaign is already running, so I’d max out with $2,700 to that, $39,900 for the Republican National Committee and $101,700 to other party committees. I’ll start a new Trump super PAC with $10 million and throw an “anonymous” $3 million into a legal defense fund for Trump officials — a practice Trump’s ethics agency approved.
Acquisition of Former Trump Advisers: $2,500,000
I’ll sign a lobbying contract with Ballard Partners, run by top Trump fundraiser Brian Ballard, also a regional vice chair of the RNC. Ballard’s firm wasn’t even in Washington in 2016, but last year it had $10 million in lobbying revenue.
Acquisition of Trump Influencer: $50 million
I’d also acquire agent of influence Elliott Broidy, a top Trump fundraiser and deputy finance chairman of the RNC. The New York Times reported recently that Broidy pushed the White House to remove Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and to take a more confrontational approach to Iran and Qatar, saying Broidy had been “tempted” by some $200 million in contracts offered by the United Arab Emirates for his private business.
Loans to Jared Kushner: $92,000,000
Foreign governments have seen the president’s sonin-law as a way to gain leverage over national policy. Apollo Global Management’s founder met with Kushner to discuss infrastructure policy, then reportedly lent Kushner’s family real estate business $184 million. I’ll try this, too.
Acquisition of Cabinet Officer: $900,000 (cheap!)
A lobbyist let EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt use a Capitol Hill condo worth about $5,000 a month for $50 a night, charging him only for those nights he used. I’d do likewise.
Legal Fees: $25,000,000
Many who get involved this way with Trump wind up in legal trouble. So I will need to plan on $25 million to retain a criminal-defense lawyer and to cover the expenses of my family during my prison time. To reduce costs, I would temporarily move my family out of the Trump International Hotel during my sentence.