Pregnant and on the office floor

DEAR AMY >> I’m a woman who works in an informal office environment.

Today I was in a crowded meeting with more co-workers than chairs. I got to the meeting a bit late. Not wanting to stand the entire time for this long meeting, I sat on the floor.

As I am currently four months pregnant, several co-workers (both male and female) politely offered me their chairs. I told them I appreciated their kind offers but that I was fine where I was.

One of my co-workers refused to take my no for an answer. He immediately stood up. I told him again that I was happy on the floor and to please sit down. Embarrassingly for me, he refused, and remained standing for the rest of the meeting. I also “stood my ground” and remained on the floor.

I know it is polite to offer your chair to a pregnant woman, but I was fine where I was. I felt uncomfortable being singled out.

I think if I declined the chair, then he should have respected my wishes and sat back down. He thinks it would have been rude to have a chair while I was on the floor. What do you think? — Pregnant, But Still Able

DEAR PREGNANT >> Offering one’s seat to a pregnant person is one of the last courtesies that is still widely accepted, sanctioned and even mandated (on public transportation).

Your pregnancy is not a disability — far from it. But, while neither you nor your male co-worker were wrong, you were both discourteous in fairly equal degrees.

It can be impolite to refuse a kindness, even if you feel this particular kindness was born in another era and offered with condescension.

Everyone witnessing this courtesy would feel a sense of fulfilment if you had taken the seat and thanked the giver. As it is, I guarantee that each person in the meeting was hyper-conscious of the pregnant woman on the floor.

After you have been through your entire pregnancy, you may come to a different understanding of the role that simple acts of kindness toward expectant mothers play as a way that people recognize one another’s humanity.

DEAR AMY >> Responding to various questions from grandmothers with hurt feelings, I am reminded of a wise piece of advice from my mother. She said, “If you want to hold your grandchildren in your arms, you keep your mouth shut!”

As you might guess, my mother got on wonderfully with all of the daughters and sons-in-law. Mom is gone now, but I still hear her voice in my head! — Appreciative Reader in Cleveland

DEAR READER >> She’s in my head now, too. Thank you!

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or “like” her on Facebook.)