Don’t bring fists to snowball fight

DEAR AMY » Last night my 6-yearold son was participating in a snowball fight with a group of friends after school.

One of the other boys threw a snowball into my son’s face, which cut the bridge of his nose. My son’s reaction was to punch the other boy in the face, which gave that boy a bloody nose. Both my husband and the other boy’s father agreed that both boys were wrong and they were made to apologize to one another.

What bothers me is that everyone I have told about the incident, when they hear how my son reacted, has said something along the lines of, “Good for him!”

I, on the other hand, am upset that my son responded to violence (which may very well have been accidental) with more violence.

As soon as our son started school, my husband and I told him that if he witnessed or is ever a victim of someone else’s bad behavior, that he should stand up for himself with words, and/or tell an adult.

Others seem to think that when hit, it’s perfectly OK to hit back. But then again, we don’t want our son to be labeled a “tattletale.” What is your take on this, Amy? DEAR ANXIOUS » Your son is 6. His father (and the father of the other boy) responded appropriately in the moment.

I agree that you and your husband should talk to your boy about the imbalance of responding to a snowball hit with a punch to the nose.

When kids are playing, accidents (and incidents) happen. It should be a universal “rule” to NEVER aim anything at anyone’s head. However, sometimes during play, people do get hurt. When this happens, play stops while everybody makes sure everybody else is OK. That’s all part of being a good sport.

The appropriate response when you’re playing is to retaliate with the same “weapon” that was used in play. In soccer, for instance, you kick a ball — not throw your fist — at your opponent.

In short, this is a snowball fight, not “The Untouchables.”

If you relate this snowball story to an adult, and the adult commends your son for hitting another child, you should ask, innocently, “Do you really think it is right for one child to punch another in the face? Because we’re teaching our son otherwise.”

If you equate telling a young child to go to an adult with a problem with being a “tattletale,” then you should rethink your own equivalencies. Your message to your children should be that they can — and should — ALWAYS come to an adult when they have a dilemma, problem or hurt.

DEAR READERS » I still receive, read and appreciate “Ask Amy” postal mail. I have a new postal address which some newspapers haven’t yet posted, so I am noting it here. People wanting to write to me can address mail to “Ask Amy” PO Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.