Spade, Bourdain deaths may open the conversation about suicide
Brian Copeland understands despair. At one point in his lifelong struggle with depression, the Bay Area entertainer said he considered suicide. He bought a gun, but during the mandatory 10-day waiting period he found the strength to go on.
“I’ve fought this all my life. I’ve been through hell,” said Copeland, who performs “The Waiting Period,” a free, solo show about his battles with suicidal thoughts, at San Francisco’s Marsh Theater largely in an effort to help others. “What I tell people is that if I can spill my guts in front of strangers, then they can tell someone. That’s what gives what I went through some meaning and purpose. That’s why I do it.”
After the deaths this week of fashion designer Kate Spade and celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain, Copeland and others want to open a national conversation about suicide and mental health. They are hoping the tragedies, and a new report showing suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in America, can be transformed into a watershed moment for an issue often shrouded in stigma.
“This is a learning opportunity. It gives us a chance to drag this demon out into the light and let go of the shame. That’s how you save people’s lives,” he said. “What is really killing us is the shame and the stigma. We are embarrassed
and that’s why we don’t get help.”
Suicide rates rose by 25 percent across the country from 1999 to 2016, according to research released this week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A staggering 45,000 Americans age 10 or older died by suicide in 2016. In more than half of all deaths in 27 states, the people had no known mental health condition when they ended their lives.
In a public plea issued Friday, Jessica Henderson Daniel, president of the American Psychological Association, said, “The terrible and tragic deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain reflect a growing national crisis,” and added that “Suicide needs to be a public health priority.”
Spade, 55, the designer who created an iconic handbag, was found dead in her Manhattan apartment Tuesday. Bourdain, the 61-yearold chef who became a celebrity author and television star, was found dead Friday in a hotel room in France, where he was working on an episode of his popular “Parts Unknown” TV series.
The apparent suicides of both figures, both famous people who seemed to have it all, have spurred a new dialogue about depression.
“This is a reminder that many people suffer, and you really can’t assume that great success and admiration results in happiness,” said Thomas Plante, professor of psychology at Santa Clara University.
Experts say the new CDC statistics are a powerful reminder that almost everyone is touched by depression, whether it’s their own, a family member, a friend or an acquaintance.
“It’s all around you,” Copeland said. “No matter who you are, there is someone you know who is struggling with this and hiding it from you and you need to look hard if you are going to try and help them. You don’t know what is happening behind closed doors or what they are really going through.”
That pervasive sense of shame drives people to blame themselves for feeling like losers in a society that prizes winners, Copeland suggests. His own struggles occurred after his wife left him, his grandmother died and he had a devastating car accident, all in close succession.
But opening up an achingly private subject into a public discussion can help dispel the sense of taboo, some experts say.
“What this teaches us is that human suffering is universal,” said Dr. Shauna Springer, a psychologist who leads TAPS, a national organization providing support services to the military and veterans community. “This is a crisis that we have to battle as a country. We need all hands on deck. We all have to be educated and we all have to look out for each other.”
Some fear social media, with its frantic pace of humble bragging, may be contributing to the crisis as people compare their lives with others and sometimes fear they aren’t measuring up.
“Social media is likely a factor,” noted Plante, “as we know the engagement does increase both anxiety and depression via social comparisons.”
On Friday, however, many took to social media to spread messages of support, urging people to reach out to each other for help.
Springer stresses that the most important thing to remember is that there is always hope. She sees many veterans who try to soldier on in isolation. “The message is you are not alone,” she said. “This may be a dark time but you can come through it.”
Forging a connection may be the key to prevention.
“Reach out to those you are concerned about. Don’t be afraid that asking them if they are thinking of harming themselves will make it worse,” said Dr. Don Mordecai, Kaiser Permanente’s national leader for mental health and wellness. “It may make it better for them to feel they can talk with you.”
The last time Copeland revived his show was on the heels of Robin Williams’ death in 2014. He was startled to learn that Williams’ struggles echoed his own.
“It’s like when Rock Hudson came out with AIDS. Suddenly it’s not about ‘those people,’ it’s about people you know and love and that changed the whole conversation about AIDS,” Copeland said. “The most important thing we can do is realize that depression is not a sign of weakness, it is not a character flaw, it is a disease.”
Copeland will revisit the show June 24 and July 1, 15 and 29, even though reliving his trauma is painful. He remembers the woman who told him that she flipped a coin over whether she would go see his show or commit suicide. She saw the play and eventually got help.
“If I can help somebody, it’s worth it.”