45-year-old woman wants folks’ permission to adopt

DEAR AMY >> I’m a 45-year-old single woman. I am financially secure and self-sufficient.

Years ago, I moved miles away from my parents. Their positive qualities far outweigh their negative ones, but lately I am feeling increasingly upset about a situation.

I am happy being single. I have a decent job, own a home and have created a good life for myself.

I badly want to adopt or foster a child on my own. I have thought of doing this for years.

Every time I bring this up to my parents, I am bombarded by all of the negative aspects of being a single parent.

My father is admittedly prejudiced and has made remarks about the possibility that I may adopt a non-white child.

I would not expect my parents to support my child in any way, financially or emotionally. They are amazing people in many ways but for the life of me I cannot understand why they are so against my goal to adopt on my own.

I have tried talking to them about how they make me feel. This has only led to arguments. I fear that if I listen to my mother’s litany of reasons why I shouldn’t be a parent, I will never fulfill my dream.

I don’t wish to alienate my family. How can I handle this situation?

— Wannabe Mom

DEAR WANNABE >> The fact that you are so anchored to what your parents think about your family-building goals might mean that you are still not ready for parenthood, because this one is a no-brainer. Stop discussing this with them. If you decided to get pregnant, with or without a partner, would you run this past mom and dad?

You know what your folks are like. You know what their opinions are, and so this is a topic you should consider yourself well-versed about. Carry on with your own plans. Time is ticking by.

There is some likelihood that your folks will hop on board when the time comes, but it’s also possible that they will not. Take this into account, and then live your life the way you want to.

DEAR AMY >> “Still Standing” described wedding officiants who get certified via the internet as “fly-by-night” officiants. Many times these people have special connections to the marrying couple. You should have challenged this.

— Disappointed

DEAR DISAPPOINTED >> “Flyby-night” means “unreliable.” You are correct that this is a misnomer.

However, “Still Standing’s” point was that their lack of experience can cause unintended consequences.