Wedding leads to work feud

DEAR AMY » A work friend was getting married, and she decided to have her wedding in Las Vegas. I was not able to attend the wedding, but I made her bridal veil, and participated in a group gift from work friends.

Afterward, she sent a group email at work, thanking all of her “true friends” that “bothered to come to the wedding.” I received no thank you for making the veil.

I am hurt and feel like confronting her, but I’m not sure what to do.

— Jilted friend

DEAR JILTED » You are right, and the bride is wrong; wedding etiquette (and general decency) states that the bride and groom should send a thank-you note for any gift they receive. That includes a veil.

However, I don’t think you should hold your breath for a thank-you. In terms of confronting her, you may have to stand in line behind other colleagues who want to react to her rudeness.

Her choice to passive-aggressively email her coworkers (presumably through your work email system) about an outof-town NON-work event is a poor one, and this could end up damaging her.

Think about it: you considered her a friend and you would like to confront her about her behavior. Imagine how other office folks felt receiving this email — people who weren’t on the best terms with her before this hit their inbox, some of whom may control her daily workload. Or people who did come to her wedding, who have now been roped into an email argument they wanted no part of, and are now busy deleting all their cute wedding pics from social media. Perhaps your HR representative saw this email, and would like to give this no-longer-blushing-bride a gentle reminder about your office code of conduct.

I get that you’re hurt, but don’t make the same mistake your co-worker has made and play this out at work. Instead, downgrade this relationship status from “work friendship” to “civil coworker,” and remember this feeling: use it as a reminder to express your thanks, in writing, quickly and appropriately.

DEAR AMY » “Sad Mom/ Grandma” was devastated at her kids’ inattention on Mother’s Day. She wants to be reimbursed for “services rendered” — cooking 100,000 meals over the years, etc. Her adult children seemed to do the minimum on this day.

I would rather get calls and visits throughout the year than an obligatory dinner on Mother’s Day. Luckily, I get both.

— Happy

DEAR HAPPY » Mother’s Day is an emotionally loaded day for mothers, stepmothers and the kids they raise. I understood this woman’s desire for a modest celebration, other than what she described as “obligatory” phone calls. I hope she gets what she wants.