Physician told to ‘heel’ himself

DEAR AMY >> Iam a physician and a widower. Most importantly, I’m the father of a brilliant and deeply inquisitive 12-year-old girl.

I have raised my daughter (by myself) since she was 6 months old. We are very close.

I noticed signs that she would soon be experiencing puberty, and I knew she would have lots of questions. I had a series of talks with her about things like hormones, body changes, romantic relationships and safe sex.

Before I started each of these conversations I told her that if she was uncomfortable talking to her dad about this, I would be happy to arrange it so she could talk to her doctor (who is a woman), or any other of the wonderful women I have worked hard to have in her life.

My daughter told me she would rather talk to me about these personal things.

I got a call from my daughter’s health teacher at her school, furious that I had “dared” to discuss menstrual products with my child.

The teacher called it “tantamount to child abuse,” that a male person (even a father) had discussed these things with a 12-year-old.

Amy, I know the information I gave my girl was correct, and I gave it to her in as objective, non-sensational and supportive way as I could.

Was I out of line here? Should I have left this conversation to my daughter’s pediatrician? — Worried Widower DEAR WORRIED >> First things first. If your account is accurate (I’m assuming it is), then this health teacher should be brought up short. Teachers are “mandatory reporters” — meaning that they must report any suspicion of child abuse (as a physician, I assume that you are, too). This teacher skirted this mandate by accusing you of doing something “tantamount to child abuse,” basically leveling a deeply offensive accusation — without the benefit of due process.

You are being bullied by your child’s teacher for providing informed and accurate information to your own daughter.

This teacher’s contact with you was out of line and inappropriate, and the statement she made was sexist and obnoxious.

Too many parents abrogate their own responsibility to inform their children about sex and relationships, and leave these important conversations in the hands of (in your daughter’s case) ignorant, uninformed and/or uninspired others.

In some schools, educators are actually prevented from supplying accurate and detailed information about sex to adolescents. (Is keeping young people ignorant about human reproduction also tantamount to child abuse?)

You did the right thing. I hope you will continue to answer your daughter’s questions about sex and relationships. If she isn’t comfortable talking to you, the options you’ve presented (women friends, or her pediatrician), are perfect. Contact Amy Dickinson via email at askamy@ amydickinson.com.