Learn from bad job experience
DEAR AMY » My daughter, “Cynthia,” just finished her freshman year of college. She secured a summer job at a business high on her wish list.
At first she was treated well — the owner, “Marianne,” mentored her and treated her as if she were a member of the family. But that all ended very suddenly, and without warning, a few weeks in.
The owner, it turns out, is a complete nightmare — screaming, yelling, name-calling, and basically treating my daughter like garbage.
Marianne hides things and then accuses Cynthia of not doing her job. She routinely performs unethical, if not illegal, business practices. She has warned Cynthia not to tell anyone.
Cynthia takes the blame for things she did not do, and is afraid to defend herself, but refuses to quit for fear of losing out on future summer job offers.
The workplace has become so hostile that I am worried about my daughter’s physical and mental safety.
My husband and I want to confront Marianne in person, because Cynthia is paralyzed with fear. She has never, ever been treated like this during any of her high school jobs.
At what point does a parent step in to protect their child? — Concerned Parents DEAR PARENTS » You should not intervene directly with this supervisor.
However, if “Cynthia’s” safety is at risk, she should not be working there — no matter what. She needs to strip away all of the distracting extras (being yelled at, being treated poorly), and understand and follow this basic safety lesson: If you aren’t safe, you run.
Cynthia should leave this job and look for another. At this point in the season, her options will be limited, but she should take whatever job she can get. It doesn’t matter in the slightest if it’s in her “field.” She just started college!
Ultimately, no one will care where she worked this summer. She can leave this brief and hideous experience off of her resume and start over in her professional search next summer.
Help your daughter to wake up from her paralysis, and support her efforts as she goes.
Let your daughter know that ultimately, she might learn more from this awful experience than she would from a prestigious job or internship.
DEAR AMY » “Woman, Shamed for Life” wrote to you about a sexual experience she had with an 18-year-old many decades ago, when she was 11.
I can’t believe you were so quick to call this “rape.” There are two sides to every story. — Disappointed DEAR DISAPPOINTED » When an 11-year-old is involved, there are NOT two sides. In addition to her description of this violent assault, she was a child.