Inherited family ring causes a stink

DEAR AMY >> Almost 30 years ago, less than a month before his death, my father gave me a ring that has been in our family for generations.

Dad was terminally ill and had asked me to take the ring for an appraisal, perhaps to sell.

When I went to his room to get the ring, it wasn’t there. He went looking for it (I was with him at the time) and found the ring hidden in my sister’s room, along with a couple of other valuable items. Dad handed me the ring and said, “Take care of this.”

My sister recently asked me to give the ring to my nephew for him to use to propose to his girlfriend. I told her no. I proposed selling the ring and splitting the amount among our siblings. She accused me of being money hungry. She made up a story that 30 years ago we had all agreed the ring would go to my nephew (who is only 26).

She has used histrionics to emotionally bully me to get what she wants over the years.

Amy, I’m over it. I’ve already turned over a different ring, a painting and a silver dish because of her manipulations.

How should I interact with my sister on this and related issues?

— Sisterly Love

DEAR SISTERLY >> Your understanding is that the value of this ring should be shared among your siblings.

You should have the ring appraised. Whichever family member wants the ring should purchase it at an agreed-upon price, with the money going to the other siblings. If more than one sibling wants the ring, perhaps they can bid for it, in a private family auction.

If you are being continuously manipulated and stomped on by your sister, and if you’ve finally “had it,” then all you have to do is to behave differently. You don’t need to shout, push back or provide historical analysis and explanations.

When one person in a relationship starts behaving differently, the other person generally thrashes around for a while, acting out and trying to force the relationship back into familiar patterns. Let her stew until she understands that while you love her, you’re not the pushover you used to be.

DEAR AMY >> I wanted to support your stance on a young person not informing his bigoted aunt about his sexuality.

I am a 55-year-old bisexual, and when I came out in the ’80s I let my loved ones know, but I didn’t tell everyone. Why, because I get to choose who to tell.

— On Your Side

DEAR ON MY SIDE >> I’ve learned a lot from responses to this issue. I can’t imagine having to even make this decision as a teenager.