On the loathed ‘I’ll pass’ response

DEAR MISS MANNERS » When I extend an invitation, and the response I receive ends in “but I think I’ll pass,” I find it a bit rude. Am I being oversensitive? Is that a perfectly acceptable response?

If you decide to respond with “Thanks for the question, but I think I’ll pass,” I will never stop laughing. GENTLE READER » Tempting. But Miss Manners is in full agreement with you. This phrase might be one of the rudest she has ever heard. Not only is it nastily dismissive, but its implication is that the invitation does not live up to the recipient’s standards — or that the issuer is hiding something better. Either way, Miss Manners suggests you take a pass on extending further ones.

DEAR MISS MANNERS » My husband and I are friends with a couple who live about an hour away from us. Whenever they invite us to their home for dinner, they always ask us to stay the night as well (presumably because of the long drive). While I believe this is a generous gesture, sometimes I would just rather sleep in my own bed.

I know that I can decline if I wish. My problem is that when we invite them to our house, they expect that it includes an overnight stay, and they don’t usually leave until noon the next day.

Am I being unreasonable to think that an hour isn’t too long a drive at 9 or 10 at night, and that people can temper their alcohol intake accordingly?

GENTLE READER » Probably, yes. Try as you might (and Miss Manners has mightily tried), you cannot control other people’s actions. You can only control how you issue the invitations.

“We would love to have you and Horace over for supper, but we are afraid that we have an early morning the next day and must make it only for the evening.” And if another date is suggested: “And that night too.” “And that night too.” “And that night too.”