Adding a chair for a fancy affair

DEAR MISS MANNERS » For the past 10 years, I have hosted a dinner for very close friends to celebrate my birthday with me. The cost for the evening is generally about $5,000, but I am financially secure. No gifts are allowed.

I have to book the table 10 months in advance, and since it’s a highend evening, the restaurant provides a private room with a nice view and dedicated servers.

The guest list has not changed for six years. The 10 people around the table have known each other for at least two decades. We talk, laugh, drink and tell outrageous stories. No one drives; I hire a 12-seat van to pick everyone up and drive everyone home.

Dirk, one of “the 10,” recently attached himself to a nice boyfriend, Karl. They have been to dinner at my house several times, and we’ve gone to restaurants together.

The problem is that the private room at the restaurant cannot accommodate more than 10 people — the restaurant is not willing to squeeze in another chair. If I include Karl, I have to evict someone else. I’m not willing to do that. Dirk is adamant that he will only attend if Karl can be with him.

I don’t want to move the celebration to another restaurant. If it were only a matter of adding a place at our table, I would do so quickly and quietly, but that’s not feasible.

I see four options: a) cancel the evening; b) evict someone to accommodate Karl; c) cancel the reservation and cater the dinner at home, which will result in much work and additional cost for me; or d) say “I’m sorry, we don’t have space for another” and let Dirk decide if he wants to damage the relationship.

Am I missing something? Am I being too rigid?

GENTLE READER » It seems to Miss Manners that the restaurant is. She finds it hard to believe that after 10 years of loyalty, it would be unwilling to add a single chair to keep you as a client.

If it insists, do consider other places.