‘Tech widow’ looks for ways to grab husband’s attention

DEAR AMY >> I’ve been married for four years. My husband is a good man. He’s really good to me, but lately it feels like our marriage is in a rut. We don’t have any children, so I feel that some of our attention should be focused on “us,” but he stays on his computer all day, and when he’s not on his computer, he’s got his nose in his phone.

I’m all about letting him have his “you time,” so I let him do his own thing, and I go and do my own things, but I would still like some “us” time every now and again. It seems like it’s starting to get out of control.

I’m just tired of feeling invisible to him. I tried telling him how much it bothers me that I don’t get some attention, but he keeps doing the same ol’ stuff. I don’t want to nag him all the time about it.

A friend suggested that I should flirt around with other men and make my husband jealous, but that’s not really my scene and I love my husband very much; so the thought of doing that ... well let’s just say that’s definitely out of the question.

How can I make him see how much it hurts to be the invisible wife? Or am I just making a big deal out of nothing?

— The Invisible Wife

DEAR INVISIBLE >> I have a creative idea for how to express yourself in a way your husband might understand: Shoot a video of you doing fun things by yourself (playing mini-golf, going out for ice cream, going to the movies, having coffee at the kitchen table, or having a drink at your local watering hole). Intercut your footage with photos of him bent over his computer or staring at his phone. The last shot should be of you basically asking him to come out and play.

Share this creation privately with your husband (not on social media or in any public forum).

Let your husband know in a loving and relevant way that you miss him and that you want for him to make time for the two of you as a couple.

Every relationship needs to be nurtured in order to thrive. When people talk about marriage being “work,” this is what they are talking about: Couples doing the work to make the relationship work is healthy.

If your husband isn’t able or willing to make time for the two of you, then you have a bigger problem than can be remedied by a cute “bid,” or through “nagging.”