Sister’s illness leads to transplant questions

DEAR AMY >> My sister is receiving treatment for a chronic illness. Eventually her treatment will cease to be effective without a kidney transplant.

When she was originally diagnosed five years ago (and from time to time since then), my family and I have expressed our wishes to her to be tested to see if we were transplant matches.

She has never provided us with transplant testing information, nor do any of us even know if she is pursuing a transplant.

She is a very private person, particularly about her health, and she resents advice or inquiries that she thinks are intrusive. Our family can be overbearing and inquisitive.

I would be devastated if this illness claimed her life, and I have a young son who adores her and whom she adores, not to mention all the family and friends who care about her.

Should I be doing more to advocate for my sister’s life? — A Concerned Sister DEAR SISTER >>

You should not push your sister, but you should be honest with her regarding your own feelings: “I know you are private, and I know our family can be overwhelming, but I want you to know that your favorite nephew and I care so much about you, and I’m waiting in the wings to help you in any way you might want or need, now or later.”

DEAR AMY >> Why the Catholic bashing in your answer to the question from “Excluded”?

The question was about a rabbi nephew who refused to attend the family’s mixed-faith wedding. You noted that in the Catholic Church, the list of exclusions to attend is “several items long.”

You don’t know what you are talking about, and I resent your bigotry.

— Upset Catholic

DEAR UPSET >> I responded regarding Catholicism because that is the religion I probably know best, and to punctuate my greater point that many religions create exclusions for witnessing weddings.

Some Catholics will decline to attend weddings considered “invalid” by the church — the most obvious example being a samesex union.

Michelle Arnold, my favorite columnist on Catholic.com, notes that, “Can I attend this wedding?” is the most frequent question she receives.