Do not fear being the Grinch

DEAR AMY >> My husband’s adult children do not celebrate Christmas. They are vocally against it, and against Christianity.

However, they do send us their Christmas lists for expensive items, such as large home appliances and electronics.

We’ve never asked for such a list and have never received as much as a card from them.

We love gift-giving but this is starting to feel more like fulfilling a demand than giving a gift from the heart.

We provide trips, gifts and money generously throughout the year.

I have suggested we let the kids know we will be buying more modest gifts for Christmas. My husband is afraid to rock the boat.

Is there a way we can reset expectations and boundaries, without looking like the Grinch? DEAR MRS. CLAUS >> As long as he is afraid of his children, your husband can’t change the equation during the holiday season.

He seems to feel that he must literally purchase love from his children. But he will never know the core value of his relationship with his kids until he is brave enough to have these relationships in a more organic way.

If he is determined to give gifts, this year he should recognize each of his kids in a new way: by contacting them to say that he has made a donation in their honor to a worthwhile charity.

He should steel himself for some blowback from this approach. Change is hard.

DEAR AMY >> I broke up with my ex two months ago. We used to fight a lot and he used to make a lot of excuses to avoid me. We live far away from each other.

During our time together, he communicated with a lot of random girls. I often felt unhappy and cheated.

I called and confronted him, and he said that because we fight a lot, he got bored with me. I was so angry that I ended the call and did not contact him after that at all.

Today, I contacted him via text, asking for his help on a work project.

He replied “Sure.” I didn’t reply immediately. And in 15 minutes he pinged me asking what help I needed.

I responded after 40 minutes and told him certain topics I needed tips on. He sent me long messages, detailed with suggestions and tips. I thanked him and said goodbye. But then he asked me “Life’s good?” and “Everything’s fine?”

I responded, “Yes, and you?” He replied back “Good.”

After that I ended the conversation.

I do not understand his reaction to me. I don’t know what is going on! How should I behave next?

I can’t tell if he is into me and deserves a second chance. What do you think? DEAR WONDERING >> It’s time to graduate from middle school. It’s time to take yourself more seriously, and to value yourself so much that a guy politely asking how you are isn’t an invitation back into a relationship that wasn’t good for you in the first place. Vic Lee Charles Schulz Dean Young and John Marshall