Friends shouldn’t keep score

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> When my partner and I celebrated a 25th anniversary, we had a reservation at a local restaurant known for white-tablecloth dining.

Quite late in the afternoon of our “day,” our best friends called, wanting to have dinner together. We were willing to share our day with them, and extended an invitation to join us, adjusting our reservation, although we had the understanding that we were each paying our own way. (Our friends are notably “frugal.”) Since the establishment we had booked had extended us an anniversary discount, we arranged to share that discount with them.

Our reservation was for 6 p.m. However, the establishment’s “happy hour” ended at 6. Our friends wanted to meet at 5:30 to take advantage of less-expensive drinks, so we arranged to meet early in the bar.

To our surprise, when we arrived and were greeted by the owner, he had already seated our friends at a table, but not at our usual table with our favored waitress. They had already ordered drinks and were contemplating a second round.

I was always of the impression that guests should not take the table at a restaurant until their hosts/hostesses had arrived. I was even more taken aback when the evening proceeded and we heard no congratulations from our guests on our anniversary. Was I wrong to feel slighted? Is it OK now to hijack a host’s reservation and have yourself seated and served before your host arrives? We did arrive on time as agreed.

GENTLE READER >> As you seem to want to tally points, Miss Manners will give you this last one.

It otherwise seems clear to her that you did not, in fact, want to share “your day” with your friends and could have easily politely declined — especially given the late notice. Because their transgressions are minor, but your resentment is fierce.

But you are correct that they could have issued best wishes on your anniversary. You may put that in your points column.