Teen bemoans offensive friends
DEAR READERS >> I’ve stepped away from the Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited “best of” columns in my absence. All of these questions and answers were first published 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: Teenagers.
DEAR AMY >> I have a few white friends who throw the “N word” around. It makes me uncomfortable when they use it, especially when they use it to describe me (I am white). I don’t condone the use of that word in any form. They say having an “a” instead of an “er” at the end makes it acceptable, but I don’t agree.
How can I ask them to stop? — Not the N Word
DEAR NOT >> Yes, this is offensive and unacceptable. Stop it in its tracks. Just say, “Stop this. Now. It’s not funny, it’s not right and I don’t like it.” If your friends don’t stop, then walk away. Your friends may think you’re extra-sensitive. They may razz you. If so, they’re not really friends. One day you’ll look back and see them as a bunch of obnoxious people you used to know in high school. (September, 2009)
DEAR AMY >> My prom is coming up. I’m an 11th-grade girl and have been looking forward to this special day for a very long time. My friends and I are planning to go as a group, and everyone is really excited.
Last night my parents told me that because of various situations, I probably won’t be able to go. My mother was laid off from her job recently, and my parents are worried about finances. They say the dress, shoes, ticket and limo ride are too expensive. My friends and I were all going to have our hair and nails done too, and that’s costly.
I’m so upset I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed to tell my friends I won’t be able to go — and I don’t want to tell them my family is in trouble. I read your column, and so do my friends. What can you say to me? — Sad DEAR SAD >> I’d love to help you find a way to get exactly what you want — or at least come close. Many thousands of families are facing similar challenges right now — and some of your friends might be, too. Be honest and talk with them to see if, as a group, you can come up with ways to economize. (You could get together on prom day to do each other’s hair and nails, for instance, and the limo is an empty expense.)
See if you can pick up some jobs or chores to make money to put toward a dress and your ticket.
My own choice when I’m looking for “formal wear” is to scour consignment shops or the Goodwill or Salvation Army store for previously owned vintage dresses. You’d be surprised what bargains you can find — and vintage is cool right now. (For my own high school prom, I wore my older sister’s homemade hand-me-down dress and still managed to have a good time. You can, too — and I hope you will.) (April, 2009)