Hubby undermines plans; wife vents in ALL CAPS

DEAR AMY >> My husband has a habit of getting involved in family or social events, and at the last minute, making changes to the plans.

Prior to the “last minute,” he has NO involvement.

What he actually does is just mess everything up a day or two beforehand. This Father’s Day was my last straw. Our GROWN children had planned a cookout at one son’s house. The kids had coordinated it and assigned various dishes for each to bring.

Friday evening, my husband asked what time Father’s Day dinner was on Sunday, and I said, “I didn’t know.” So he started saying, “I want Father’s Day here! This is my holiday and my house, and I want it here.”

Amy, my father passed away last month. My husband said, “So are we never having Father’s Day for the rest of our lives because your Dad died?”

I was shocked and angry.

I replied, “I am not having it this year, and I NEVER PLAN ON HAVING IT, as you have FOUR ADULT CHILDREN, and I do every birthday and holiday. They can do Father’s Day!”

He then said, “I’m not comfortable anywhere but my own house,” which I know is UNTRUE. What’s wrong with him? DEAR NO FATHER’S DAY >> Let’s try to figure out where you went off the rails:

Your kids had planned a dinner for their father at your son’s house. Your husband attempted to derail it by changing the venue. You could have said, “Honey, call your son. This isn’t my holiday to arrange. It’s called ‘Father’s Day,’ not ‘Husband’s Day.’ ”

I am sincerely sorry you two had this dust-up so soon after your father’s death. Your husband was not compassionate or supportive. I hope you can create some healthy boundaries so that his behavior doesn’t affect you so much. Try calmly saying (no ALL CAPS), “The plans have been made. If you want things to be different, you’ll have to step up, take some responsibility, and plan them on your own.”