Woman wants to turn off male gaze

DEAR AMY >> I am a young woman whose physical appearance is occasionally the subject of comment or “compliment” by men (strangers). Random men sometimes stop me and directly “compliment” me on my appearance while I am walking to work, driving or in an elevator. It is unwanted attention and it feels creepy to be observed and commented upon by (often older) men whom I do not know.

How should I respond to these so-called compliments? If I reply with a curt “Thank you” or “That’s nice of you” it will only affirm the male gaze and encourage these people to continue commenting on the physical appearance of random women.

If I say something like “Um ... OK?” or “Leave me alone” this will (and has) incited a verbal altercation (or more awkward, unwanted attention).

When I’ve ignored the comments altogether, I’ve been shouted at: “You’re supposed to say, ‘Thank you’ when you get a compliment!”

I feel like any response that’s not “Thank you” will likely be received with misplaced indignation or even verbal threats.

How should I respond to these unwanted interactions and not bring me further unwanted attention? — No Good Options DEAR NO GOOD >> I don’t know any woman who genuinely wants to receive a “compliment” from a stranger when she is on her way to work, carrying her groceries, out for a run or minding her own business on an elevator.

Sometimes, these unwelcome remarks and veiled “compliments” can lead to threats (or worse), and women who receive them have nanoseconds to decode the moment and figure out which response will garner them less unwanted attention.

Remember that when you are on an elevator, you are basically trapped in a locked box until you arrive at your destination. In that case, I think you should say a noncommittal “Thanks,” and immediately reach over and press the button to the nearest floor to exit from the encounter.

Otherwise, I vote for ignoring. If a man responds by yelling, “You’re supposed to say, ‘Thank you!’ ” you could try responding, “I know I’m attractive. Thank you ... for leaving me alone.”