Ba-dum, ba-dum ... yes, Shark Week is back and we have a roundup.
Just call it the oceanic Super Bowl. Another Shark Week is upon us.
Yes, television’s longest-running, most fin-credible programming event of the summer returns to Discovery Channel on Sunday. The 31st edition of Shark Week features 18 new specials that salute the toothy predator, along with nightly installments of the wrap-up talk show “Shark After Dark.” There’s even a scripted movie starring Josh Duhamel.
Why do sharks get their own week, you ask? Because Sperm Whale Week doesn’t sound nearly as cool.
Now, here are nine jawsome programs that we can’t wait to see:
“EXPEDITION UNKNOWN:
MEGALODON” >> (8 p.m. Sunday): Some really smart scientists believe that a deep-sea “Game of Thrones”-like battle for dominance resulted in the demise of the mighty megalodon. This 60-ton creature ruled the oceans for millions of years, but then vanished. Why? We blame the White Walkers.
“SHARK TRIP: EAT. PREY.
CHUM.” >> (9 p.m. Sunday): Comedian Rob Riggle (breakout star of “Holey Moley”) desperately covets his own Shark Week special. But he won’t get one unless he can trick his celebrity pals — Anthony Anderson, Adam Devine, Joel McHale and Damon Wayans Jr. — into joining him on a fun guys trip.
What these clowns don’t know is that Riggle wants them to swim with the sharks — as we watch from the relative safety of our couch.
“THE SHARKS OF HEADSTONE
HELL” >> (10 p.m. Monday) We love the title. Sounds like “West Side Story” set in a gloomy cemetery. It isn’t.
Instead, this program takes viewers to a tiny South Pacific island where the natives like to toss full-sized animal carcasses into the sea. It’s a regular beef buffet.
Just one problem: Lots of huge and hungry tiger sharks have suddenly shown up to feast.
“SHARKWRECKED: CRASH
LANDING” >> (8 p.m. Tuesday): A couple of hammerheaded, Evel Knievel wannabes are actually going to jump out of an airplane and into remote, shark-infested waters. Really. No lie.
“AIR JAWS STRIKES BACK” >>
(10 p.m. Tuesday): Sharks love to chew on seals. This special takes us to a place where the seals have learned to team up and launch counterattacks against their assailants. That’s all we can really ask for — a fair fight.
Let’s get ready to ruuuuuuuuummmble!
“CAPSIZED: BLOOD IN THE
WATER” >> (9 p.m. Wednesday): It’s a Shark Week first — an original, scripted feature-length movie. Duhamel, perhaps trying to distance himself from “Think Like a Dog,” stars in the harrowing true story about a yacht that capsizes during a raging storm. (No, it’s not a Sharknado.)
The yacht’s crew is left to drift for days in the Atlantic as some chomphappy tiger sharks gather for snack time.
“MONSTER MAKO: PERFECT
PREDATOR” >> (10 p.m. Aug. 1): We don’t know what constitutes “rare mako behavior,” but filmmakers attempt to capture signs of it off the coast of California.
“ISLE OF JAWS: BLOOD
BROTHERS” >> (8 p.m. Aug. 2): Do sharks form brotherly bonds? Somewhere near Australia, explorers think they have found two great white males from the same mother who enjoy living, hunting and just generally hanging out with one another.
But we need to know: Will the bromance continue if they want to date the same girl?
“ANDREW MAYNE: GHOST
DIVER” >> (9 p.m. Aug. 2): This guy sounds totally nuts. Mayne is a master illusionist who hopes to create a “shark suit” that will make him invisible to a group of great whites while he frolics in the water with them.
OK, that might be a neat trick, but we have a real challenge for Mayne: Let’s see him turn the San Jose Sharks into Stanley Cup champions.