Husband dies; wife gets stuck with bill

DEAR AMY >> My husband passed away a few years ago from melanoma. He was 26.

He was sick for three years, battling this vicious cancer, before his death.

Even though I was somewhat prepared for his death, I was in a complete state of shock and could not function, let alone plan a funeral. My husband was so devoted to getting better that he would not speak of the possibility of dying.

I wanted a simple funeral and cremation. His mother and stepmother wouldn’t hear of it and “took care” of the funeral arrangements at a local funeral parlor. When I received the bill, it totaled over $20,000!

Amy, my husband and I were together for seven years, but married for only six months (we decided to elope when his cancer returned).

I asked his mothers if they were aware that the funeral they chose cost that much and they both responded that cost was not their priority.

In the same conversation they both said that they couldn’t afford to help pay.

As sensitive a subject as this is, the reality is that I have hard feelings that they would be so inconsiderate when they know that we were a young couple and I was already swimming in medical bills. — Young Widow in N.Y.

DEAR YOUNG WIDOW >> I think this is unfortunate, to say the least.

I can completely understand your late husband’s two mothers’ choice to give him the funeral of their dreams, but to then stick you with the burden of paying the bill they ran up is beyond the pale.

The first thing you should do is to carefully review the charges from the funeral home. The cost of your late husband’s service was well over twice the cost of the average funeral. In my opinion, this amount is suspiciously high.

After that, you should try to rationally explore your options, including getting some of these charges reduced, persuading/pressuring your late husband’s mothers to share the cost with you and, as a last resort, perhaps declaring bankruptcy.

All of these options will affect your relationship with these women, but your relationship was already compromised when they went against your wishes and then stuck you with the tab.