Work talk takes precedence

DEAR MISS MANNERS

>> Here is my quite transparent hypothetical: If two people are walking in the hallway at work, having a conversation, and a third person ap- proaches one of them to talk exclusively about a work matter (ignoring the other person altogether), is this considered rude? Or is this acceptable, since the conversation is about work and occurs in a public space instead of in an office?

What should the ignored person do? Wait for them to end their conversation, get involved in this new conversation, or simply walk away? Or be gracious and say something like, “You two look like you have something important to talk about. I’ll catch you guys later,” in an expression and tone as authentic as one can muster?

I know that the last option is the adult choice, but it is very hard for us sensitive and easily offended people to carry off. And how does one develop a thicker skin, so as not to take slight at seemingly trivial matters?

GENTLE READER >> No one should ever be interrupted or ignored, but Miss Manners is afraid that she must agree that a work conversation does take precedence over a social one. Waiting for a reasonable amount of time before politely excusing yourself and walking away is, in fact, the adult and mannerly thing to do.

If you must add a slight edge in order to appease your easily offended feelings, Miss Manners will permit you to say, “Please let me know when you are available again and I will finish my story.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> Why am I only thanked “for the card” and not the money inside?

GENTLE READER >> Because the truth — “thanks for the cash, didn’t read the card” — lacks a certain grace and tact.

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> When throwing a party, and the invitation says 4 p.m., is it proper to have food ready at 4 p.m.? Or should it be ready later, after appetizers? GENTLE READER >> How well does your food keep? Four in the afternoon is not a conventional mealtime, so appetizers are usually the main event. However, if hot food or a more elaborate meal is being served, Miss Manners generally recommends a 30-minute window for guests to arrive, before putting out food that may be likely to develop unappetizing crusts or temperatures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> Whose responsibility is it to utter the first greeting — a home’s resident, or the visitor? Does it matter if one of the residents is not the one I have come to see? GENTLE READER >> While no one should open a door in silence, the nonessential resident in a visit can be forgiven for not immediately stopping to greet someone who is not that person’s guest. Still, there must be some acknowledgment of the guest’s presence, and Miss Manners agrees that a seething, “I said ‘hello, Tina,” ’ should never be necessary.