Student worries about roomies
DEAR AMY >> I am moving into my freshman dorm for college soon.
I am moving in with two roommates: “K” (who I selected), and “L,” who was assigned to our triple.
K is very extroverted, and L seems visibly shy and quiet.
I was trying to loop L in to some of the discussions of the housing, but he kept being overrun by K.
K stated that he hates shy people and that he finds them very annoying.
We haven’t spoken since we met up a month ago, but I’m getting increasingly worried that L and K won’t get along.
Should I text K to ask him to allow L to have his own space?
Should I ignore the situation? — Not Sure DEAR NOT SURE >> You’ve selected as a roommate a person (“K”) who states that he “hates” people who are essentially simply temperamentally different from him. I agree that this raises a red flag concerning your housing, and especially your new roommate “L’s” overall well-being.
I don’t think you should attempt to intervene in advance, because you don’t actually know how this is going to work out for any of you.
The first days of college are a whirlwind, as everybody flaps and flounders, trying to find their own rhythm and — if they’re lucky — their college tribe.
You are kind and thoughtful to be concerned about this dynamic, and yes, once on campus you should definitely intervene or attempt to mediate as soon as you detect boorish behavior, bullying, or overt exclusion toward “L.”
Your university has a dean of housing, as well as resident advisers on each floor. They are all there to try to make sure each student gets what they need. Do not hesitate to take this issue to these adults immediately if there is a problem.
You and “L” might be best suited to be roommates, while K might be happiest housing with whatever fraternity he can convince to let him join. He might not be mature enough to co-house with either of you.
DEAR AMY >> “Chatty Sister” wrote about her brother’s insistence on total silence when studying for the LSAT test for admission to law school.
Your answer was OK, but I would have told this brother that he will need to adjust to studying and concentrating in a noisy environment, both for taking the test, and later for practicing law. — Lawyer DEAR LAWYER >> Absolutely. Great point. Cutting through (and concentrating through) the noise is an invaluable skill for all sorts of professions.