Sidestepping weight-loss talk

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> On several occasions, I have met someone new at a party or an event, and in the middle of a pleasant conversation, had that person look me right in the eye, smile and say with regret how heavy they are and how much they need to lose weight.

I am an overweight woman, and although I try every day to eat right and stay fit, I do struggle with it. Invariably, this new acquaintance is someone much thinner than I. I am perplexed at how to respond, so I usually just stare expressionlessly and try to change the subject.

Of course I can’t agree with them, because it isn’t true. I suspect they want me to say that they don’t need to lose any weight at all, and that certainly I am the one who must lose weight.

It strikes me as being very rude to tell a heavy person that you yourself want to lose weight, especially when speaking to someone who is perhaps twice your size. What do you suggest as an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER >> “Oh dear,

I am sorry to hear you say that about yourself. My experience is that people can be healthy and attractive at all different sizes.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> I am a teacher looking for a polite way to respond when people tell me that “it must be nice,” in reference to not working and receiving pay for July and August.

The fact that two months of our salary is held back to preclude filing for unemployment is lost on most people. Similarly, people also say that teachers work a half-day. Most schools have teachers on-site for seven hours, with less than an hour for lunch. I am contractually “at work” for seven hours. Most jobs are eight. And no one wants to think about the hours spent at home working.

What comment might get through to people?

GENTLE READER >> “So tell me, do you actually get to pick when you have lunch and go on vacation? That must be heaven!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS >> I am a foreign-born American

who came to this country decades ago and who speaks English with only a slight accent. The United States has long been my home, and I am a citizen of this country.

I have begun working as a customer service representative dealing with people by phone, and my accent has led to a number of awkward situations.

Occasionally, people will politely ask where I was born and I will tell them, then steer them back to the matter at hand. Other times, however, some will assume that I am speaking to them from a foreign country, which I am not, and make nationalistic remarks. Even worse is when I’m blatantly told that they’d prefer to speak to another representative “who is an American,” though that is my nationality.

How do I do my job and reply to impolite remarks?

GENTLE READER >> “I am so sorry, it sounded as if you said you thought that I was not American? I could not quite understand your English.”