Wedding might go to the dogs

DEAR READERS >> Every year during this time I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these “Best Of” Q&AS from 10 years ago. Today’s topic is:

“Dog Gone.”

I also invite readers to subscribe to my weekly “Asking Amy” newsletter, at Amydickinson.substack.com, where I post advice, as well as commentary about what I’m reading, watching and listening to.

I’ll be back with fresh Q&AS Monday.

DEAR AMY >> My brother is getting married outdoors and has invited his friends to bring their dogs to his wedding.

His own dog, a coyotepit bull mix, will be part of the ceremony.

My 4-year-old, who is also part of the ceremony, is frightened of dogs (I am sure this is partly my own doing).

I am afraid of big dogs, and his dog really scares me.

I don’t want my kids to be afraid of dogs, yet I am afraid of them and I am sure the dogs can sense that. How should I handle this?

— Frightened

DEAR FRIGHTENED >> I shared your letter with Julie Klam, author of “Love at First Bark: How Saving a Dog Can Sometimes Help You Save Yourself” (2011, Riverhead Books). She reports that, as a child, she was bitten by a dog, but she has overcome her fears and now has three dogs in her household — and an 8-year-old child.

Klam says, “Find a friend or relative with a small, low-key dog (not a puppy, they’re too hyper) and arrange to go and visit a few times. Take it super slow. I’ve had kids who are afraid come to meet my dogs and they are really anxious at first, but then, when the dogs are calm and aren’t jumpy, they feel a little braver and sometimes may even pet them. When kids get through it, they feel so proud of themselves that they frequently want to go further.”

I agree with this advice to acquaint yourselves in advance with dogs you know are good with kids. The more successful encounters you all have with dogs, the easier this will be, but you should also coach your children to NEVER touch a dog without the owner’s permission.

If the child is not able to handle it at this point, she/he should be excused from the wedding party; realistically, you have no way of knowing how all of these canine guests will interact at this event.

(November 2011)